Burning In The Skies
by Eterna Alba
Summary: Edward and Bella have not known each other long, but life's circumstances have drawn them together. Will Bella be able to let go of her past to move on and have a future with Edward? Will Edward be able to forgive her secrets and reveal his own?
1. Chapter 1  The Requiem

**A/N **

**Greetings everyone! This is my first venture at writing a fic. Not my first vebnure writing. My first venture in letting people read my stories. I want to thank my wonderful beta c. anna cullen for taking me on and agreeing to work with me. Of course, any typos or errors are mine alone. This entire story is mapped out in my head so chapters will come regularly unless otherwise noted. The whole thing was inspired by one song which I will share with you later on in the story. If you get a chance, take a listen to the quoted song on here because it will set the mood of what's to come. Twilight and it's characters belong to Stephenie Meyeer but this little peice belongs to me. Be kind and I can't wait to see what you think! xoxo**

_God save us everyone_

_Will we burn inside the fire of a thousand suns_

_For the sins of our hand_

_Sins of our tongue_

_Sins of our father_

_The sins of our young_

_-The Requiem by Linkin Park_

She took a deep breath as she looked around her room, hat was left of it. It had once been a place of solace but after last night… She shook her head. She didn't want to relive last night. The petite brunette had grown accustom to being the adult one. Last night had been her birthday. At eighteen, she had her life ahead of her. Graduation had come and gone without "incidents" as she had called them for a while now. _Shrug it off. _That's what she was told by her friends._ She's crazy. Don't pay attention. _Easier said than done. The red puffy eyes that looked back at her from the dresser mirror in front of her had been that way for many nights, many years. Grabbing the hair tie from the dresser, she quickly pulled her hair into a messy ponytail and returned to her task.

Two small suitcases lay at the foot of the bed with most of her clothes and precious belongings. Ironically enough, the photographs she once thought of as a source of comfort remained sitting on her nightstand. Those people weren't a source of comfort any longer. They hadn't been for years, but she had convinced herself that things could get better. The relationship with her father was strained at best, and her mother…she shuddered. _You'll never amount to anything. You're such a disappointment. I can't believe I wasted my time on you. _The words echoed in her head on a loop. She was used to them. That was until last night. It was her birthday for God's sake! Images popped in and out of her mind as she gathered her books in her knapsack and started getting dressed.

~OOO~

"Why are you celebrating? It's just one more year marking your failures." Her mother had staggered over to where she sat amongst her friends. They all looked away embarrassed for her and gave her knowing looks and small hand squeezes. "It's not like you're going anywhere. And you," she directed her words at the boy sitting next to the brunette." What do you see in this small mousy thing? You could be with anyone, like that blond sitting at the other table." She motioned drunkenly across the room. "Now THAT is a looker. I swear this lazy girl isn't worth it," she said, turning to look at the young birthday girl.

~OOO~

_You don't have to take it you know. _**His** words rang in her head now._ It can be different. _Stumbling amongst the pile of discarded papers, the young girl made her way to her closet and pulled out her favorite black hoodie. Turning to walk back out into the room, she caught her reflection in the mirror that hung from her closet door just as she pulled her arms through the sleeves. The bright purple bruises were there, marking the space where each of her mother's fingers had been. The scratch marks had left a trail where her fingernails had dug into the girl's pale white ski

~OOO~

"Don't walk away from me. I'm talking to you. You think you're too good for your own family? Just because you got a scholarship to some fancy college? If I even let you go that is." She tried to walk away but the stinging pain of something biting into her arm stopped her. Her mother was now gripping her arms with such force that it brought tears to the girl's eyes. The screaming and berating continued until strong arms freed her from the claws that dug at her skin as she was pulled away. The girl almost got away, but not before a heavy hand slapped her across the face.

~OOO~

Big brown eyes moved slowly over her skin until she brought them up to face herself once again. The swelling in her cheek had gone down, thanks to the ice he'd applied the previous night as she cried herself to sleep. _It doesn't have to be this way. You deserve better. Let me help you. I love you._

Pulling a sheet of paper from her notebook she quickly scribbled a note.

I love you but I can't live like this any longer. Someday I hope you'll understand -B

Closing the door behind her softly, she made her way down the flight of stairs with luggage in tow. Her mother wouldn't hear her. She was probably passed out on the floor of her room and wouldn't awaken until noon. Glancing at the clock, she made her way to the front door and paused to glance at the text message she had received an hour earlier.

I'll be back at 8. I love you. I always will

She smiled to herself and slowly opened the door to find him standing there, looking out at the street. He turned and smiled. No words were needed as he leaned down to pick up her suitcases in one hand and kissed her softly on the lips. Taking her small hand in his free one, he gave it a soft squeeze and nodded. She smiled back and looking into his green eyes knew that it would be OK. She had her whole life ahead of her. a bright future. She was not alone.

She gave her childhood home one last glance and softly closed the door behind her. Maybe someday in the future she'd return under better circumstances. The silver Volvo was parked on the driveway, and she climbed in the passenger seat as Edward put her suitcases in the trunk.

The drive to his apartment was a quiet one as she thought about her decision to move in with him. They were still so young; too young to be taking such a big step but she hadn't seen any other way out. She knew he wouldn't pressure her into moving their relationship any further than where they were at at the moment, and, most importantly, she felt safe. He made her feel safe. She could feel his eyes on her every time he look at her from the corner of his eyes but was glad he didn't ask what she was thinking. She wasn't sure she could explain it to herself, let alone him. He must have sensed her trepidation because she suddenly felt his warm hand envelop her's in a gesture of reassurance. Or maybe it was the fact that she had been chewing on her bottom lip, as was her habit when she was stressed or nervous. She met his gaze and was greeted with a look of love and understanding that made her chest ache. How she had ever managed to catch his attention, let alone earn his love, she still didn't understand or believe. She didn't want to think about what would happen if he ever knew her whole story so she forced herself to focus on the present. He was here with her now. Edward wanted her now. That was all that mattered.

The Volvo slowly eased into the parking space behind the apartment building, and they made their way to the second floor. It wasn't a fancy apartment, and if she was being honest it was barely big enough to house on person. It consisted of a small living room that blended into the kitchen area. There really was no space for a dining room, but the countertop worked just fine as a desk or table. There were papers strewn about everywhere, but this was a common occurrence, as Edward was not known for his organizational skills. _Then again, what twenty year old is?_ She turned to look out the window that faced the street below. She watched people milling about in the popular downtown area of the small town he lived in. It was just another day for them. Just a normal Saturday morning but for her it was the beginning of…what? She hadn't thought that far. She didn't know what would happen that summer. Strong arms circled her waist, and she let herself be pulled into a backwards hug. She leaned into his sculpted chest and closed her eyes as he nuzzled her neck and whispered, "Welcome home, Bella."

**EPOV**

_Are you insane? What the hell are you thinking? You're not ready for this_! I argued internally._ Well I can't very well just leave her to her fate. I care far too much for her to just let it keep happening._Next time it would be worse and God only knew what that woman was capable of. I'd never witnessed something like that firsthad, and had been horrified to see it unfold before my eyes. Sure my parents argued, but they'd never turned to violence. They had never lifted a finger to any of their children. I had heard stories about what Rene was like. I'd always thought my friends were exaggerating, and Bella had never really talked about her home life with me. Sure she'd said that things at home were strained, and her mom was sometimes mean to her, but she'd never said anything about being physically abused. I didn't know what was worse; her being beaten down physically or emotionally. I'd seen her red eyes more and more often lately, but Bella had shrugged it off as being tired. "Lack of sleep," she'd said. I leaned down and kissed the sleeping form on the bed and made my way out of the house. Images of the previous night played in my head with every step I took towards the front door.

~OOO~

The music was blasting in the background as their group of friends huddled in the small table near the presents. She didn't want a party, but we'd surprised her anyway. Her face was radiant as she chatted away, enjoying herself for once. She was gesturing wildly as she described the school she'd been accepted to and all of its merits. The campus was beautiful from what she'd seen online, and the town was a college student's dream. There was a commotion from the house, followed by her mother bursting through the back door to the back patio. It was easy to tell she'd had a few drinks. She was swaying slightly as she fumbled her way towards our table.

"Why are you celebrating? It's just one more year marking your failures." Her mother had tottered over to where they sat. They all looked away embarrassed for Bella and gave her knowing looks and small hand squeezes. "It's not like you're going anywhere. And you, what do you see in this small mousy thing? You could be with anyone like that blond sitting at the other table" she motioned drunkenly across the room to Lauren Malloy. I still had no idea who'd invited Lauren since we all knew she was jealous of Bella and did nothing to disguise her contempt of her. She looked our way and smirked at the remark Renee had made. "Now THAT is a looker. I swear this lazy girl isn't worth it," she said turning to look at her daughter, who was shielding her face with her hair. "Hey, let's go grab fresh drinks. You guys want anything?" I asked our friends, pulling Bella to stand walking away with her. I wasn't going to let anything ruin her night.

I left to use the restroom, and when I returned I found Bella, standing in the middle of the patio. The party had come to a screeching halt while everyone started at the confrontation playing out. Renee was gripping Bella's arms with such force that tears where streaming down her face. She cried in silence while trying to wrestle herself free. The screaming and berating continued and I went to help Bella release herself from her mother's death grip. I was about to pull her beside me when Renee's hand whipped out and, to my horror, slapped Bella across the face. There was an audible gasp from everyone around me, and a small whimper from the girl I now held in my arms. "Alice! Get Bella upstairs." I asked my sister. "Party's over. Please, go home.' I told the crowd, but no one seemed to want to move. They were waiting for more. "NOW!" I yelled as I ran inside and up the stairs. I wasn't ready for what I saw. Bella lay curled in fetal position on her bed, sobbing silently as Alice tried to comfort her. My sister turned to me with despair in her eyes, and I nodded to let her know I'd take it from here.

~OOO~

I pulled up to the store parking lot and sat in my car for a while. It was a little before 6 am so the place wasn't open yet. I was exhausted. I had barely slept. I had spent a good part of the night comforting Bella and applying ice to her cheek, so it wouldn't swell up. I was finally able to convince her to come and stay with me for a while. She needed to get out of that house. It wasn't healthy for her to continue the vicious circle she'd been in with her mother for God knows how long. That was something I needed to talk about with her, once things calmed down. She'd finally fallen asleep in my arms at 2 in the morning, resting her head on my chest. Her small hand clutched my shirt at my waist. I held her for a while to make sure she wouldn't wake, and then I'd made my way downstairs and out to the back patio.

I must have been lost in thought but was brought out of it by the sound of shopping carts being pushed by my car. I realized I must have been lost in thought for a while. The clock on my dashboard read 6:30, which meant I had less than two hours to buy what I needed and get things ready for Bella to move into my apartment. God. Bella's moving in with me. I sighed and climbed out of my car and heading into the store.

Forty minutes later, I was back in the car with bags full of bed linens and other girly "essentials," as Alice called them. She wasn't happy about me waking her so early in the day, but when I explained it was for Bella she was more willing to help me. The girl at the checkout line had given me funny looks when she saw the purple (or lavender, as Alice claimed it was called) bed sheets and the fluffy shower thing: poof…loofa? Alice said it was one of those two. Whatever it was for, I had no clue, but my sister had insisted I get one. along with some other items for Bella. I drove the few miles back to my apartment and headed into the building. I ran up the stairs to tidy up what I could and drop off the Bella items in the bedroom and bathroom. I only had a few minutes to shower and change if I was going to make it in time to pick her up from that hellhole she lived in.

I stood on her doorstep for about five minutes before the door opened. Her eyes were still red and her face had a visible hand print on it, but thankfully it wasn't swollen. I took her suitcases in one hand, making sure to leave the other free to hold her hand, and kissed her softly on the lips before we made our way to the car.

The drive was quiet, and I could tell she was nervous. If she kept biting her lip like that, it would bleed so I took her hand in mine and held it the remainder of the drive. I wanted to reassure her in any way I could, but I knew she wasn't ready to talk yet. I had to be patient. We pulled up to my small apartment building and headed up the stairs. I was glad I didn't live in a noisy town, but my friends always teased me for living in the "old Folks Community" as they liked to call it. It was a quiet but beautiful town, full of old Spanish colonial style houses. The downtown area where I had been lucky enough to find my one bedroom apartment was always busy but never noisy. Even at night when the local students turned out to visit the restaurants and bar, things never got out of hand. I rarely visited those places, opting for the small bookstore and café down by the beach. My father had always said I had an old soul, and that I was wise beyond my years. That wasn't the case earlier this morning when I had bumped into a drunken Renee as I left Bella's house… _I shouldn't have said those things_.

I made my way into the bedroom while Bella stayed behind looking out the window. I wish I knew what she was thinking; how she felt about this, us moving in together. We'd only known each other for nine months and had only said our "I love you's" a month earlier. I still remembered the look on her face and how the blush had crept up to her cheeks as she looked down and whispered it back to me. I smiled at the memory and looked around one last time to make sure everything was in its place. Taking a deep breath, I walked back out to where she still stood, looking out the window at the town below us. I hugged her to me, smelling her soft brown hair and whispering in her ear "Welcome home, Bella." Her breath caught and her shoulders tensed at my words. _Did I say something wrong?_I turned her in my arms so she faced me. Lookeing into her eyes, I trying to read what she was thinking. She smiled shyly at me and bit her lip as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked as I pulled her lip free with my thumb. I slowly ran it back and forth across her mouth soothingly while my other arm wrapped around her small waist.

"Nothing, I'm just…a little nervous." She fidgeted and looked down, covering her face wither hair.

"Hey." I moved her hair behind her ear and tilted her chin up to me with my index finger. "There's nothing to be nervous about. I promise not to make you do my laundry or clean up my mess. Although, I'm sure after two days of being here you'll want to pick up my papers." I chuckled.

"Hmm, that's probably why you asked me to stay over. You need someone to pick up behind you." She grinned.

"You caught me. I said to myself Cullen, once she turns eighteen, you can drag her to your man cave and make her your slave," I joked, but the color had left her face.

Stupid stupid stupid bringing up her birthday. Why don't you just tear up more open wounds while you're at it, genius?

"I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't mean…"

"It's OK. You don't need to apologize. I just…just need to process things." She sighed pulling away from me.

I was having none of that. I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her to me, crushing her against my body and holding her tightly.

"We'll figure things out. Don't worry. I know it's a lot of change to take in all at once, and you're going through a lot at the moment. Please trust me though. I won't let anyone hurt you any more. You're safe here," I murmured into her hair as I placed soft kisses on it and rubbed her back with my hand.

She gave in to my embrace. Snaking her arms around my waist, she rested her cheek to my chest while taking small deep breaths.

"I do trust you, Edward. You're about the only person I do trust right now. I just..I'm spent. I feel numb. I always imagined leaving home under better circumstances. Having my mom hug me goodbye as I left for college or something. It's just hard to accept that nothing like that will ever happen," she whispered into my shirt as she played with the seam.

I didn't know what to say to that, so I just held her for a while, rubbing her back and telling her it would be OK. I didn't know if it would, but I hoped to God I was right. She deserved some happiness after what she'd been through. After a while, our stomachs started rumbling from hunger, so I led her to the kitchen to make her some breakfast. I was no chef, but I could cook a mean scrambled egg and my pancakes were not that bad either. They were edible. She laughed when I placed a plate before her with Mickey Mouse shaped pancakes and whipped cream. Oh how I loved that laugh. It made my chest ache and my stomach tighten at the lightness of it. It was like music; carefree and relaxed. It lit up her face and made her eyes shine. It was one of the many things I loved about her. She was young, but she was also an old soul like me. That's what had attracted me to her. She wasn't vapid like most of the girls I knew. Bella had depth. There was a lot going on in her head, and after last night, I had a glimpse of why she was the way she was, why she seemed so grown up. She was the adult in the relationship with her mother. She'd told me that numerous times, but it hadn't sunk in until last night.

We spent most of the day in my apartment, _our_ apartment now. She read a bit while I watched T.V. From time to time, I'd catch her looking out the window, lost in thought, or I'd catch her staring at me. At these times, she would just blush and look back at her book. She'd read maybe two pages the entire time, not being able to focus on it for long. Not that I was watching her, but if she'd asked me the score of the game I was watching, I wouldn't have known. It got dark, and then it was time to face the elephant in the room., the one shaped in the form of two suitcases. I sighed and turned to face her on the couch.

"It's getting late. We should probably get some sleep and get you settled in. Not in that order, of course," I said, nervously running my hand through my hair.

"Oh, yeah, you're right." She bit her lip and shifted her eyes from the suitcases to the bedroom to me.

We had never slept together, except for last night, and that didn't really count since we were fully clothed. I hadn't pushed her limits of not wanting to move our relationship forward. I knew it wasn't something she had felt ready to do yet, and I had no problem with waiting until she was. Getting off the couch, I picked up her suitcases and headed to the bedroom with Bella in tow. I set her things down by the bed and showed her the space I'd made for her things in my closet and dresser.

"I'm going to go change in the bathroom, and give you some privacy to do the same."

I grabbed my pajama and headed to the bedroom as fast as I could, closing the door behind me. Y_ou can do this. No big deal, Cullen. You're a big boy. _I stripped of my clothes and put on my flannel pajama bottoms, realizing that in my haste I'd forgotten to grab a t-shirt. _Great_. I glanced at my watch and figured 5 minutes was long enough to let Bella change, so I opened up the door slowly. Bella stood at the foot of the bed in the shortest pair of shorts I had ever seen. I don't even think they qualified as shorts they were barely covering her butt. Not that I was staring or anything. She paired the "shorts" with a t-shirt that almost covered said "shorts," giving the illusion that she was going without bottoms. I raked my gaze up her legs to her torso and finally saw her face. Bella was blushing furiously, her mouth shaped into an O as she started at my bare chest. Thank God my flannel bottoms were loose or she was bound to pass out at the obvious effect she was having on me. Things were about to get interesting.


	2. Chapter 2  My December

**A/N:**

**First off a huge thank you to my beta c. anna cullen for whipping this out so quickly. Mwa! Also thank you to those of you who put me on your alerts and added this little story on their favorites. Makes me feel all warm inside. If you can, listen to the song I quote at the beginning of the chapter. Start it at the point where Bella and Edward have the talk. You can watch it at ****http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=cI59cpkFxPo&feature=related**

**Please leave me your thoughts, so I can keep working on what you want to read or know. Enjoy!**

_This is my December  
this is my time of the year  
this is my December  
this is all so clear_

_and I give it all away_  
_just to have somewhere to go to_  
_give it all away_  
_to have someone to come home to_

_-MyDecember by Linkin Park_

**EPOV:**

_Harder. Faster. Deeper. Push. Push. _

Bella's legs tangled in the sheets. Her hair fanned across the pillow. Her soft pink lips. Her mouth parted open.

_I need to go deeper._

The soft creamy skin of her bare legs; her thighs, her calf. The soft pick blush on her cheeks. The way her eyes flutter open and closed.

Her soft moans invaded my head and all of my senses. The way she said my name in a half moan, half whisper. "Edward."

Her small hands clutching the bed sheets at her side, while her chest rises and falls.

_Deeper, Edward. Deeper. You need to push harder. _

The muscles on my back were aching from the strain of the push and pull. Trying to get further in. My legs screamed for a reprieve, but I had to keep going. _I need to go deeper._

The sun was rising in the horizon, casting its rays across the beautiful body below me. Suddenly I was falling, falling and I couldn't hold on. I was being rolled under, and something hit me hard on the head. Well, not something. My surfboard.

I swam to the surface and paddled ashore before any more accidents befell me. My head wasn't with me at the moment. I had left it back at the apartment. I'd made my way into the surf and paddled further and further into the ocean. Wanting to go deeper with every image of Bella that filtered into my head, I had been far too distracted to notice the ocean.

Last night, things could have gone so differently. So much so, that I wouldn't be here at the moment if my hormonally filled brain would have had its way. I could be lying in bed next to Bella. Touching her creamy white skin. Running my hands through her soft brown hair. Listening to her soft moans and sighs as she called my name in her sleep.

No, instead I had been a gentleman and given her my bed while I took the couch. Just because she'd fallen asleep in my arms last night didn't mean she was ready to jump into bed with me. That was something we had to work up to. Not that I hadn't wanted to jump her then and there. _Those legs_! I groaned.

I sat on the beach and watched the sunrise over the crisp blue ocean, trying to get my thoughts in order. Bella was 18 now. We could let ourselves get carried away without any fear of her mother or my parents finding out and me getting sent to jail. Carlisle and Esme would only lecture me about it, but I'm sure Renee would have other plans in mind for me. Although, the way she treated Bella, I was beginning to doubt if she'd even care. We'd been going out for a year now. Seven months of…celibacy. I groaned again while pulling my hair in frustration. I wasn't used to this, wasn't used to not getting any satisfaction when I wanted it and how I wanted it. I'd been with other girls, lots of girls who "put out" without any problems. Hell, some of them were younger than me, 16 or 17 years old. Then again, I had been screwing around since I was 16 and hooked up with anything that had legs. Then I'd met Bella and my entire world had shifted.

~OOO~

"Will you watch where you're going?" I cried out in irritation. _I still can't believe that stupid blond dumped me. ME! Edward Cullen! _

"I'm sorry," a small voice said from somewhere on the floor. I looked down to see a young girl of about 17 picking up some books that had been scattered when I crashed into her. _No, she crashed into me._

I sighed in exasperation. "Here, let me help." I crouched down next to her and helped gather the books. _Austen. Figures. Chick lit_. I chuckled to myself. Suddenly, the book was being ripped out from my grasp and I was face to face with a set of defensive brown eyes. The lovely face before me was blushing furiously, and a small huff escaped her lips before she stood up, flipping her long brown hair behind her.

She cocked her head at me and raised her brow in defiance. "Are you about done staring at me? Or did I grow a pig's snout like Penelope?" She quipped.

I rose to my feet and closed my mouth. Apparently I had not only been staring but openly gaping at her, if not drooling. Before I could say anything she turned on her heel and walked into the library. I quickly followed her in, but she was nowhere in sight. I walked around the book aisles looking like an idiot until one of the many elderly librarians asked if I needed assistance. I muttered a "no, thank you," before deciding to leave. I couldn't say 'Have you seen a 17-year old girl with brown hair and the most delicious hips you've ever seen? She's got the most beautiful chocolate brown eyes and pouty lips that make you want to suck on them for hours." Yeah, that would go over well.

I walked out to the street in time to hear someone blond guy call out behind me. "See you next week, Isabella."

"See ya, Mike." I heard from behind me. I whirled around to catch a glimpse of **her** disappear into a blue Chevy being driven by a black haired boy. He looked like he was on steroids.

_Isabella. Hmm. Next week it is, Isabella, and that time you will talk to me._ I smirked to myself. Good thing I didn't have to worry about the blond any more.

~OOO~

I chuckled. That had been the beginning of my visits to the library. I'd checked out more books than I could remember, not even reading half of them. Well, I did read some Byron and Shakespeare, but only because I knew girls liked poetry and shit. Maybe I had some Bronte and Austen in my collection, but I wasn't about to admit to it.

I had never worked so hard to get a girl's attention or get her to go out with me. I was used to girls falling all over themselves to date me. _I'm Edward fuckin' Cullen, of course they wanted to date me! _Too bad I'd only wanted to sleep with them; after that they'd lost their appeal.

Bella was different. She'd kept me on my toes from the very beginning. It took me over a month to finally score a date with her. Even then, she let me kiss her good night. Instead, she'd extended her hand and said goodbye in the car. I'd been pissed and sworn not to even try for a second date, but right when she'd gotten to her doorstep, she'd turned and peeked back at me from behind a curtain of hair. It was then I'd known I had a shot. Surprisingly, as time went by and I got to know her, it stopped being about trying to get her into bed and more about wanting to be with her; getting to know what went on inside her mind.

It wasn't a perfect beginning for us. I'd made mistakes and assumptions about her. I'd turned possessive and jealous, almost to the point of losing her. To this day, I wasn't man enough to tell her everything that had happened the winter we had our first big fight. I don't think she'd forgive me if she knew…_You were so fucking stupid!_

A crowd of girls making noise next to me brought me out of my daze, and I rolled my eyes, realizing they were trying to get my attention. I would have fallen for it before, but now all I could think about was the girl I'd left sleeping in my bed. The way her legs wrapped around the sheet, exposing themselves to me. The steady rise and fall of her chest and the blush that colored her face.

I hadn't been prepared for the sight when I tiptoed into my room this morning to get my board shorts from the closet. I'd stood there watching her sleep and almost fell to my knees when she called my name in her sleep. "Edward." Bella had half whispered, half moaned my name, and the sound had gone straight to my groin. I'd bolted out of there out of fear of what I would do. Surely Bella wouldn't appreciate being woken up to her boyfriend jerking off in front of her.

_Great, Cullen. You're no better off now than you were this morning. It's still early, and Bella won't notice your absence. Better get a few more waves in to calm your raging hormones. You'd think you were a horny 13 year old. Bella is going through a lot right now, this isn't the time to be thinking about sex, and why are you talking to yourself?_

I picked up my surfboard and ran back into the ocean before the group next to me called for the lifeguard, alerting him to a mental case loitering on the beach.

**BPOV**

Bella awoke to the sound of the front door closing. She looked around disoriented, not recognizing her surroundings. As her eyes adjusted to the dark, she remembered the events from two nights ago. Her miserable birthday party and Edward's pleas to move in with him. She rolled over to glance at the clock on the nightstand. 5 am. Untangling herself free from the bed sheets that were wrapped around her legs, she quietly climbed off the bed. She pulled down her shirt that had ridden up her torso and blushed. Good thing Edward hadn't seen her asleep.

Looking around the living room, she noticed Edward was no longer asleep. In fact, he was nowhere to be found. She sighed and sat on the couch. The apartment was messy, and she was no longer feeling sleepy. A small smile spread across her face as she remembered his words from the night before. She was a neat freak, and it would not be long before she started picking up his things.

She still didn't feel comfortable about kicking him out of his bedroom. He shouldn't be sleeping on the couch. It was much too small for him, and it would do just fine for her. They'd have to discuss that when he returned from wherever he was. It was too early to eat, so instead, Bella busied herself in unpacking her suitcases into the space Edward had made for her in the closet and dresser.

Opening the closet door, she remembered how obsessive Edward was about his shoes. He had more pairs of shoes than she could count, more than she owned. She decided her two pairs would find a good enough home under his bed and was in the process of placing them there when her hand bumped into a hard object. Reaching in, she pulled out a book, The Collective Works of Jane Austen. Oddly enough it looked thoroughly worn out and was bookmarked at a chapter in Pride and Prejudice. Bella giggled to herself at the thought of the cocky bronze haired boy sitting on his couch, reading her favorite story.

~OOO~

It had been the third time in a row she had seen him. Bella was certain that he was watching her. She didn't think she'd see him again after the incident three weeks prior in which he'd not only knocked her over, but ogled her like a piece of ass. She huffed to herself before turning back to her group. They'd been studying at the library for months now, but with her new stalker situation she would have to find a new place.

Mike and Angela said something about looking up more information in the library computer before leaving Bella sitting alone at the secluded table in the back of the library.

Feeling nervous about being approached by the bronze haired boy, Bella decided to go to her favorite place to hide out: the literature section, letter A. She was in the process of leafing through one of her most cherished books when a voice spoke behind her.

"Excuse me; I was hoping you could help me. I seem to have misplaced my copy of 'The Feminine Mystique.'" The bronze haired boy looked down at her and smiled.

Bella turned and was momentarily distracted, lost in a set of deep green eyes. Then, he smirked.

"Do I look like I work here?" She snapped.

"Not quite, but I noticed you're into these types of books, so I figured, why not ask her?" He chuckled.

Something about his attitude irritated her; he was so sure of himself. Surely he got away with talking to other girls in that manner. Bella was not one of those girls.

"What are you currently reading?" he asked while trying to look over her shoulder.

Bella snapped the book shut and shoved it into the bookcase before he could mock one of her favorite authors.

"I don't know where to find your book. Why don't you go ask at the information desk? Ask for Betty Freidan, she's always helpful." She then turned and went back to her table before he could keep interrogating her.

Later, as her group prepared to leave, she spotted the strange boy standing in the same aisle they had been in before. He was leafing through a book, and her stomach flipped at the thought of him discovering the book she had been looking through.

Then, as her ride pulled up to the curb and she was about to climb in the passenger seat, Bella heard his voice in her ear.

"Nicely played, Isabella."

She turned to look at him, surprise showing in her face. He winked and walked away, leaving a stunned Isabella staring after his retreating form.

"Friend of yours?" The boy called from inside the car.

"No, Jake. Not by a long shot."

Bella spent the remainder of the day wondering how he could know her name. They had never spoken until that day. That was the first sleepless night she spent thinking about a set of bright green eyes.

~OOO~

After having picked up all the papers that were lying around the apartment and making breakfast for two, Bella grabbed a towel and went to shower. It was almost 8 am and she wanted to look presentable for Edward's return. She smiled to herself, noticing the toiletries he'd purchased for her, along with a new loofa. Alice would have to be thanked for the insight, unless Edward had made purchases of the sort before. Bella washed away the negative thoughts that threatened to weasel themselves into her subconscious.

She quickly towel dried and wrapped a towel around her torso before exiting the bathroom and running to the bedroom. Opening the door, she was greeted by a shirtless Edward, again.

Bella almost dropped the towel she clutched to her chest at the sight before her. Edward stood staring at her. His bare chest glistening with small drops of water, speckled with a small trimming of hair. His board shorts hung loosely at his hips, exposing the lines of a V that lead…She snapped her eyes back up to his face. He was still staring at her and Bella blushed, remembering her nakedness.

**EPOV**

_For the love of all that's holy!_ _Bella is practically naked in front of you. Jesus Christ! Do something! Don't just stand here gaping at her!_

I looked down to the floor only to catch sight of her bare legs. Those calves, her thighs were barely covered by the towel she held in a death grip. Her slender arms were slightly damp from her shower. Her skin looked so soft, I ached to touch it. I wanted to run my fingers from the base of her neck down to the soft mounds of her exposed chest.

She'd let the towel slip in her surprise at seeing me in the room and the tops of her breasts were in display for me to see. Yes, I was staring. I couldn't help myself.

Bella's mouth was once again shaped into an O and I finally realized she was staring at me too.

"Like what you see?" I grinned.

Bella blushed and looked down, biting her lower lip.

"I'll just hop in the shower and leave you to it." _Unless you'd care to join me. _

I grabbed a towel from the nearby hamper and shut the bathroom door behind me. Leaning against it, I took a deep breath. _Bad idea, Cullen._ The air in the room was still damp and smelled of Bella, strawberries and honey. My shorts were painfully tight now that my cock stood at full attention. _God, I hope Bella didn't catch my dick giving her a standing ovation._ I groaned and turned on the shower before stripping out of my wet board shorts.

My problem could be easily remedied, but it would be poor taste to get myself off with Bella in the next room. I turned the water to cold instead.

I finished my shower quickly and got dressed. I walked into the kitchen to discover Bella had made breakfast. We ate in an awkward silence. It was bad enough we'd caught each other half naked more than once in the past two days, but we still hadn't talked about what happened on her birthday. It needed to be addressed. We cleaned up and I decided it was time to talk.

"Bella, can we talk about what happened Friday night?" I looked at her hopefully.

She fidgeted and nodded, then stood and went to sit on the couch looking out the window. I sat next to her and turned to face her, giving her time to gather her thoughts.

"It didn't use to be that bad," she began in a soft voice. "Renee never used to drink that much. It was a few drinks here and there, from time to time. She used to be passed out on the couch when I came home from school. She started drinking more and more when she met Phil. It got to the point where I knew the house would be a disaster when I got home. I'd go around collecting beer cans and cups from the kitchen counter to the back patio. One day they had a huge fight, and he stopped coming around. Things calmed down for a bit then. Not because she stopped drinking, but because she drank herself into a stupor and never left her room.

"Things got worse this summer, when I went to visit Charlie." A tear trickled down her cheek, and she wiped it away with her hand. I reached out and gave her other hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze. She turned to look at me and gave me a weak smile before continuing.

"I don't visit Charlie often, but he'd insisted I go up to Washington to visit him, so I did."

I nodded, remembering how nervous she'd been even though I'd promised to talk to her on the phone the whole week she was there.

"As you know, Charlie had remarried the previous month and he wanted me to meet his new family." She chewed on her lip as more tears slipped down her cheek. "His wife, Sue has a daughter, and he's been busy making a new home with them. He wanted me to fit in and get along with them, but I couldn't. I felt like I was cheating on Renee. Leah hadn't been very welcoming, and I cut my visit short by a week. I didn't tell you this, but Charlie had wanted me to spend two weeks wit him. One week had been enough for me. Charlie and I didn't leave in very good terms when he took me to the airport, and I hadn't heard from him since, until last month.

"One afternoon I came home from work to find Renee in one of her moods, so I tried to stay out of her way. I'd gone in my room and was about to change when she stormed in waving an envelope. It was addressed to me with a return address of Forks, Washington. She'd opened it and was waving a card in my face. Sue had sent me a card telling me Charlie missed me, but was too proud to admit it. She wanted to wish me an early happy birthday and asked me to visit again.

"Renee started screaming at me about having finally found my dream mother, and that I was replacing her. Asking how long we'd been writing back and forth. I told her I hadn't heard from any of them until that day, but she didn't believe me. She accused me of lying and threw a book at me. That's how I got the bruise in my arm, the one I said I got when I bumped into the bookcase. Renee has caused most of the bruises I've had. She recently started punching me with her fists, but Friday night was the first time she'd hit me in the face. I…I never thought she'd go that far. I hadn't expected it." Bella looked up with tears in her eyes, her chin quivering and began to sob.

I pulled her into my arms and rubbed her back, telling her it was OK now. I wasn't going to let anyone hurt her any more. Not emotionally or physically. I repeated over and over that she deserved better. She deserved to be happy.

"Bella, Bella, sweetheart. It's all right now. You're safe here. I won't let anything happen to you. I love you. I'll protect you. I'll do everything in my power to keep you safe."

I continued rubbing her back and placing gentle kisses on her head. I kissed her tears away, kissed her cheeks, and her eyes. I placed soft kisses on her lips, and she eventually kissed me back. Her arms reached up to my neck and pulled me closer to her. I pulled on her bottom lip, nibbling it softly, eliciting a sigh from Bella.

"Bella…"

She leaned forward, getting on her knees, pushing her body flush against mine. She weaved her hands into the hair at the nape of my neck and tugged, causing me to moan. I loved when she played with my hair. I continued my attack on her lower lip and drew out my tongue to taste it, pulling it further into my mouth, asking for permission to let me in. Bella moaned into the kiss and parted her mouth, allowing my tongue to explore it.

I lost my balance when her soft tongue met mine, and we fell back onto the couch, her on top of me. I could feel her entire body against mine, and I was growing decidedly harder under my jeans. My hands roamed to Bella's back and stroked at her sides. Working my way down her sides, I grazed her breasts, and she stiffened. I stopped and opened my eyes to meet hers. She was staring at me with surprise but smiled shyly before continuing the kiss.

Our tongues danced around each other at a smooth tempo, meeting in the middle or peeking out to taste the other's lips. Bella's hands stayed in my hair, and her breath became ragged when I rubbed my thumbs in circles on the side of her breast. I kept one hand where it was and moved the other lower, lower to the curve of her lower back. I kissed her harder and moved my hand to her robust behind and gave it a tentative squeeze. This caused Bella to moan again, and I felt emboldened to continue. I rubbed her ass and her kiss became frenzied.

We couldn't get close enough, deep enough into each other's mouths. I moved my other hand down to her backside and pressed her against me. I wanted her to feel what she was doing to me. My erection was now pressed flush against her thigh and I ground into her slowly. Bella's eyes popped open then, and she sat up abruptly. Her mouth was shaped into that O again, her chest rising and falling with every breath she took. A beautiful pink hue covered her neck and rose to her cheeks while she looked down and timidly ran her fingers over the fly of my jeans, caressing my hard cock._ Fuck, if she does that again I was going to combust. _

I wanted to keep going. I was enjoying myself too much, but I knew the conversation wasn't over, so I gently moved her hand from my crotch and sat up to meet her.

"Bella, as much as I'd love to continue this," I shifted my hips to meet hers, "I don't think you're finished telling me why things got so out of hand with your mother."

"I don't want to talk about it. Can't we just take a breather for a while?" she asked as she ground into me, effectively cutting me off. She leaned in and tugged my hair, bringing my face to hers and kissed me hard.

_Bella Swan is going to be the death of me._


	3. Chapter 3  Crawling

**A/N Sorry this took a little over a week to post. It's been busy for both my beta and myself. Wanted to take a moment to ask if there was anyone interested in being a second beta for this fic. Please send me a PM if you are. Without further delay…here's Surferward for you. I highly recommend you download the following song to read along on loop with this chapter Krwlng by Linkin Park from their Reanimation album. It's an instrumental piece or listen to it on YouTube at the following links IN THAT ORDER **

******http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=bMrG2G_t6Yk**

******http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=7kayOogsjb4&NR=1&fmt=18**

**********http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=GygyvPupDx0**

"_Crawling in my skin_

_These wounds they will not heal_

_Fear is how I fall_

_Confusing what is real"_

'_Crawling' by Linkin Park, Hybrid Theory_

"You ungrateful, little whore! After everything I've done for you! This is how you repay me? Is she nice? I bet she's prettier than me, isn't she? Did you have fun playing house with your daddy and his new family? Answer me!"

Renee's screams could be heard from outside the small, two-story house in the quiet suburban neighborhood.

"Is that why you went for? To meet your new mommy? How long have you been writing to her? If you think for one second that I'm going to let you leave to live with Charles and his new trophy wife, you are sadly mistaken, Isabella!"

The girl tried to protest, but all she got for her efforts were bruised arms. Renee threw anything within arm's reach at the defenseless seventeen year old while she tried to shield her face with her hands. Her battered arms could be hidden away in long sleeved shirts, but her face could not. After countless episodes resembling this one, Bella had learned how to hide the marks to prevent the curious looks and incessant questions.

"To think I chose you over Phil, for what? For you to go and leave me? You little slut. I knew keeping you would bring me nothing but trouble. Your own father didn't want you, so I was stuck with you, and now you're stuck with me. The moment I learn you've gone to Washington I will drag you back by the hair, and you'll be very sorry you ever defied me. Do you hear me?"

Bella stood quivering at the far end of her bedroom and waited until her mother left, slamming the door behind her, to let her emotions free. She ran to the restroom in time to vomit in the toilet, dry heaving for several minutes while the tears streamed down her face. She stifled her sobs the best she could; she was not going to let Renee know how much she affected her. Bella had promised herself Renee would never know all the pain she went through, even if she didn't want her own daughter.

~OOO~

Those same words now rang in her head, and Bella desperately tried to forget them by losing herself in Edward. She needed him to make her forget.

Your own father didn't want you…

She dug her nails into Edward's scalp while pressing her hips against his. She could tell he was aroused. It wouldn't take long to convince him to take her.

I was stuck with you, and now you're stuck with me…

Tears sprang to her eyes, and she stifled a sob with a kiss. She kissed Edward with everything she had, her body trembling with the painful memories that assaulted her.

Edward's hands roamed her back, and one moved to cup her face. He felt her tear strained cheeks and knew something wasn't right.

You ungrateful, little whore…

Edward pulled away from her kiss the moment Bella collapsed into a pool of tears. She was not a whore. She'd never had a boyfriend until Edward, and they had never gone beyond making out on his sofa.

He tried to get her to face him, but she wouldn't budge. She continued rocking herself back and forth, clutching his t-shirt with her fists. All Edward could hear were the sobs that reverberated from her chest and escaped her lips. Every so often she would mumble something. When he was able to decipher her words, his body went ice cold.

"I'm not a slut. I'm not a slut. I'm not a whore. Edward loves me. I'm not a whore."

"Bella, what are you saying?" He asked, concerned. "Bella, of course I don't think you're a whore! Where did you get that idea? Bella, please, talk to me. Look at me, Bella!" He pulled her chin up, forcing her to meet his eyes. She was lost in her thoughts, and it took a moment for her to recognize where she was. Blinking through her tears, she saw Edward's agonized face before flinging her body to his in a tight embrace.

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" She sobbed.

"Baby, don't apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. Who said you were a slut? I don't think that about you, you know that, right? I would never force you to do anything you're not ready for.

"I know, Edward," she mumbled into his neck. Her sobs had subsided and she tried to regain her breathing pattern. "I wasn't talking about you...I really don't know what came over me." She lied. It would not do any good to tell him everything her mother had called her. It would only bring about more questions as to why, and she was not ready to share that story. Bella could barely remember what had happened that night...she didn't want Edward to think less of her. She needed him right now. He was all she had.

"Do you mind if we do something else for a while. I really don't want to talk about Renee any more. I just…I need...air."

"Anything you want, doll. How about going for a walk down to the pier? We'll get some fresh air and maybe grab some lunch on the way back. If you're good, I might let you go in the library, but I'm not sure if I want to share you with Dickens just yet, he tends to take your undivided attention." He joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Don't worry, Edward, I'll let you have Austen if you let me have Dickens," she replied placing a kiss on his cheek before scurrying into the bathroom to wash her face.

"I have no idea what you mean, Mrs. Bennett. I plead the fifth," he said with a grin.

"Uh huh, sure, Mr. Darcy, I won't tell anyone about your secret stash under the bed," was her reply from the doorway.

Edward's jaw dropped. "Uhh, that's not mine, Alice must have left it here." He tried to look appalled but failed miserably.

"Edward Cullen, I do believe you're blushing!"

"Am not! Come, let's get some fresh air, you're starting to hallucinate." With that he took her hand in his, pulled her out of the apartment and locked the door behind them.

* * *

They spent the remainder of the day walking along the beach and on the pier. Bella had never frequented the beach, until she met Edward. She didn't like the heat or the rays of the sun on her face. She didn't think she had a body to show off and felt inadequate in those ridiculously small bikinis the girls her age wore. Her skin was too pale and would go straight from pale to sun burnt, so there was no point in trying to get a tan.

She knew Edward spent most of his time at the beach, and it showed on his tan, lean body. His job required it. Edward Cullen was one of the best surfers in Southern California and had even competed in the amateur circles. He had been approached to compete in the Billabong AP tournament that summer, but he'd turned down the offers. He'd wanted to spend time with Bella and knew that training and traveling would take too much of his time. He was still young and could join any time in the future. For now, he was content giving surfing lessons to the locals and tourists.

Edward had taken Bella to some of his favorite beaches, from Huntington to Laguna and down south to San Onofre. He wanted to share that part of his world with her. As they walked hand in hand along the beach trail, he chuckled to himself.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, just remembering one of my…um…students. He smiled.

~OOO~

"So the first thing you need to do is get on the middle of board, and get your balance," he instructed the girl next to him.

"The best way to do this is by simply grabbing onto the board lengthwise, and once you're on, scooting up to the middle. Don't try to get on sideways because you'll flip over."

The girl nodded attentively, holding on to the small surfboard in front of her. Her eyes darted from the board to the instructor's lean, tanned chest. It was wet. She wanted to nuzzle it with her cheek, or lick it, or both at the same time. Instead, she dug her nails into the board and blamed her blush on the warm summer air. The brunette pulled her hand out of the water to fan herself, splashing said chest in the process, completely by "accident" of course.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, except she wasn't sorry. Now the water was dripping down his chest to where his hips met the ocean water. Her eyes snapped up before the bronze haired God could catch them wondering to the treasure covered by his board shorts. Edward Cullen was hot. She could admit that to herself now, but she would not admit it to him yet. It was only their fifth date, so it was much too soon to be admitting any sort of feelings to him, but she was definitely attracted.

"Give it a try. I'll be right here if you capsize." He grinned.

Bella hoisted herself onto the surfboard with only one wobble. She turned to grin triumphantly at him before maneuvering her body to the middle of the board like he'd instructed earlier.

"Now what?"

"Okay, now just get used to the board. Bring your hand out and wade along the water a bit, see if you can propel yourself forward without falling."

She bit her lip in concentration following his instructions. Surfing was easy so far. After having traveled a few feet, she turned her head to look behind her and caught Edward staring at her. Bella cocked her eyebrow and smirked.

"Enjoying the view?"

He grinned sheepishly while running his hand through his hair, causing it to get damp in the process. Now it was Bella's turn to stare.

"Are you?" He grinned broadly.

"Oh yes, that guy behind you has the most amazing body; it's like the bodysuit leaves nothing to the imagination. Why don't you wear one?" She asked cheekily.

Edward turned to catch a glimpse of one of his surfing buddies, Emmett, packing his things up on the beach.

"Well, for one, I'm not an exhibitionist like Emmett over there, and two, I prefer to only wear the suits during competitions. However, I'm more than happy to introduce you two if he's more your type."

"No, no, that's okay. Maybe later," Bella mumbled.

"You sure? He's been staring at you for the past half hour. I wouldn't mind at all." Edward turned and called the burly, tall, man-child on the beach. Emmett looked up and after a head nod, waded into the surf to join them.

"Hey Emmett, catch any good waves today?"

"Some, but I was mostly assessing the female population today. You gotta learn to differentiate between the groupies and the beach bunnies here, buddy." He slapped Edward playfully on the back causing him to wince.

"I see you're in the middle of a lesson?" He asked, cocking his eyebrow at the bronze haired God.

"Actually we're-"

"Yep, very first lesson. I'm Bella, what's your name, handsome?" She asked, sitting up on the surfboard and extending her hand to the man-child that towered over her.

"Emmett," he replied, taking her tiny hand in his. "Edward treating you okay, Bella? I hear he can be quite the tyrant with new students."

"Yeah, yeah, we've just been wading in the kiddy section of the beach today. I think he enjoys staring at my ass. Maybe I'll take a photo for him to keep in his wallet." She quipped.

Emmett let out a booming laugh that caused Bella to grip onto her surfboard lest she should fall into the water.

"Did you know you get the most adorable dimples when you laugh, Emmett?" She flirted.

He grinned in response. "I had no idea."

"Mmmhmm, maybe after I'm done being used as eye candy we can grab a bite to eat. What do you say Em?"

Edward started at the interaction between the two of them and felt ill. This was supposed to be **his** date with Bella, not the introduction of Bella and Emmett, may they live happily ever after.

"Sounds great, I'm just gonna drop some stuff off and I'll be back in an hour. Edward should be done with you by then." He winked.

Edward was about to protest when Bella interrupted him.

"Tell Rose to tag along. I haven't seen her in ages! Oh, and also tell her she's in big trouble for not telling me her man-child of a boyfriend was a surfer. I could have taken lessons from you a long time ago and completely impressed Edward with my mad surfing skills."

"Will do Bells, but you better leave Edward at home unless you want him to go under the Rose inquisition of 2007, no offense, Eddie." With that, Emmett left a stunned Edward and a grinning Bella in the water.

"Edward, close your mouth, you don't want to drink the salt water."

"Bella, Bella, Bella, you never cease to surprise me. How do you know Emmett?"

"Oh, well he's Rose's boyfriend. Rose and I are friends from high school, but I don't see her as much now that she went off to college. We sometimes get together in the summer or when she visits during holidays, but she spends most of that time with her family or that big lug. I understand though. If I had a boyfriend I'd want to spend most of my time with him as well." She rambled until it was too late to keep the last sentence from escaping her lips. "Umm, how do you know Emmett?"

"Emmett and I met at one of the amateur competitions in Huntington Beach about two years ago. We got to talking afterwards and we just hang out from time to time. Share surfing tips and information on new boards and such. I hear he's going to be surfing in the professional leagues next summer. Maybe he can give me an insider look into the competition."

"So you want to do this professionally?"

"Yeah, someday. I haven't really looked into sponsorships or tried getting into the AP tours, but we'll see. For now, how 'bout we continue the lesson, unless you're tired?" he asked with a smile.

The way Edward looked at Bella gave her goose bumps despite the warm ocean water. There was an intensity in his eyes that she had not noticed before. She was transfixed not only by his deep green gaze, but by his confidence. He knew what he wanted. He had chosen a path to travel for his future. Bella suddenly felt young and inadequate next to the 19-year-old boy. She still didn't understand why he would choose her, a 17 year old, to spend his time with, but she was beginning to not care. He seemed genuinely interested and, besides her friend Jacob, no one had ever shown interest in her.

The surfing lesson continued without incident and ended a few minutes before Bella was to meet Emmett for lunch. Usually, Edward was the one to initiate the good-bye kiss but this time Bella surprised him. As he dropped her off at the cozy little restaurant in front of the beach, she reached up on her tiptoes and, winding her arms around his neck, pulled his face down to meet hers. She gave him a soft, sweet kiss that lasted mere moments, but stayed with her the remainder of the day. Bella could tell it had an effect on Edward by the way he stood in a trance before his face was illuminated by a shy smile.

For the first time in her young life, Bella was falling in love.

~OOO~

The sun began to set while the couple walked along the quaint downtown streets. Eventually they came upon a bench situated in front of a very familiar building.

"Ah, the scene of the crime," Bella smiled.

"What crime would that be?"

"The beginning of your failed stalking career."

"Stalking? I don't recall ever stalking anyone."

"Of course you don't, Edward, because you were horrible at it. I spotted you a mile away. I'm surprised Jacob didn't beat you up at least once."

"I was not stalking you. I love to read," he replied with iciness I his tone. Belle didn't understand why, but every time Jacob was mentioned, Edward's mood would turn frosty. She had tried asking him why, but he never gave her a straight answer.

Bella sighed. "I was joking, Edward. I just meant to say that it was funny. I could always spot you from wherever you were observing me. I was sort of creepy sometimes." She shuddered.

"Really?" He asked surprised.

"Sometimes/" She shrugged. "You have to admit it was strange, Edward. I had never seen you in or around the library before and all of a sudden you were everywhere. Every time I looked up you were watching me. Not to mention you're older than me by 2 years. What college student follows a girl around? A girl who is not his girlfriend, I mean." Bella had never revealed this to Edward, and it caught him by surprise.

"Hmm, you have a point, but can you blame me?" He smiled taking her hand in his. "If I hadn't 'stalked you' we wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't have the most beautiful, spunky, outspoken, sexy girl as my girlfriend," he stated proudly causing Bella to blush.

"I love seeing your blush color your face, Bella." He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand in a gesture of wonder and love. "It makes you even more alluring than you already are," he added in a whisper before meeting her lips with his. Edward kissed her tenderly, cupping her face with one hand and bringing the other to her waist. The two of them stood in front of the library, caught in a sweet and loving kiss while the sun sank below the blue ocean waves in the horizon.

* * *

The shop lights illuminated the streets of the old style town. Parts of it were closing up and saying good-bye to the day whereas others were awakening to welcome the night. Couples began to fill the streets and restaurants played romantic songs that weaved their melodies into the cool night air. Bella and Edward slowly made their way home. His arm wrapped around her shoulders and Bella's around his waist. From time to time, he'd look down and nuzzle her hair, or she would bury herself further into his side. Bella had never felt as loved and protected as she did in that moment and was unwilling to let go of the moment. She wanted it to last forever.

They entered the apartment in silence stopping to open the windows to allow for the sounds of the town to come inside. Bella sat on the couch as Edward went about his routine of checking his phone messages and mail. Tomorrow would bring back the reality of every day life. He'd have to go back to his lessons, and she would have to go back to her job. The weekend had been full of ups and downs, but it was time to wake up out of the dream and go back to real life.

"Umm, Edward?" she asked shyly from her perch on the couch.

"Yeah, babe?" he replied distractedly.

"Can we talk about our new living situation?" She picked at the sleeves in her blouse, waiting for his answer.

"What about it, babe?" He continued his tasks.

Bella waited patiently until he stopped and looked up at her to meet her expectant gaze. She had that look on her face. The one that let him know she meant business. He set his phone and mail down on the countertop before joining her on the couch.

"I'm sorry, baby, I'm all ears." He pecked her on the lips.

"Well, I just wanted to sort through some things. I want you to hear me out before you protest. I know I'm a guest here, but I don't want to wear out my welcome since school won't start for another month. I mean…if you can stand me intruding on your space for that long."

"Bella, don't even think about it. You can stay here as long as you need to. Think of it as your home now. Even when you go off to school, you can always come back here during holiday breaks. I expect you to." He looked at her seriously to communicate his decision.

She nodded and continued, "Okay. In that case, I want to help you with the rent and food. Tell me how much you pay and I'll pay for half of-"

"Nonsense, Bella. You're not paying for anything. Save your money for school and schoolbooks. I'm taking care of you."

"Edward, be serious. I -"

"I'm completely serious, Bella. I make more than enough money to support us both."

"Edward, please? Won't you let me -"

"No, Bella. Don't ask me again," he said sternly.

"Edward Anthony Cullen. You listen to me. I will not have you paying for my things like I'm some needy child. I can take care of myself. I want to help you. I don't mind. If you won't let me help you with the rent, I will help with food money. Don't bother arguing with me because I'm going to do it like it or not!"

She stared at him from across the couch daring him to challenge her. He opened his mouth as if to speak but shut it quickly at her determined look. He knew better than to argue with her.

"Fine," he grumbled slumping back on the couch. "Anything else?"

"Yes." She paused before chewing on her lip.

Her bravado had dissipated as quickly as it had appeared. She had thought about her next request throughout the day but suddenly felt nervous about mentioning it.

"I was thinking…" she fidgeted on the couch trying to soften the cushions.

"Just say it, Bella. What other requirements do you have?" He snapped.

Her face darkened at his tone giving her courage to speak.

"Well, Edward. I don't want you sleeping on the couch. You're too big for it, and it won't help out your body at all. Especially with all the strenuous work you do giving your lessons. You need to be able to relax and get a good night's sleep, which I doubt you'll achieve in this lumpy old thing." She punctuated this with a punch to the cushions.

"I'll sleep on the floor then."

"No, Edward."

"You're not sleeping on the couch, Bella!" He stood up in frustration.

"Who said I was sleeping on the couch?"

"You're not sleeping on the floor!" He rubbed his face exasperated.

"I know that, Edward! You're sleeping on the bed with me!" She yelled.

Edward looked up flabbergasted. "What did you…"

"I don't want you sleeping on the couch or the floor. Your bed is big enough for both of us to sleep in comfortably. I trust you not to try anything and respect me, Edward. I trust you."

Bella's cell phone rang before Edward could respond. Reaching into her backpack, she pulled it out to check the caller I.D.

"It's Jacob. I haven't talked to him since Friday morning. He must be worried about me. I have to take this."

She looked to Edward for some sign that he'd heard everything she'd said, but all she saw was coldness in his eyes.

"Fine. I'm going for a walk. Don't wait up." He walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

Bella could feel the tears well up in her eyes. She didn't understand how Edward could go from warm to cold so fast. She wiped away her tears with the back of her sleeve before answering the phone that continued ringing in her hand.

"Hey, Jake. I'm okay. I'm sorry I haven't called, I have so much to tell you."

**A/N Ok now after listening to the music go check out the song lyrics. It'll bring everything together, trust me and please, please, please review. **


	4. Chapter 4  What I've Done

**A/N Ok people. This chapter is being posted without the help of my beta. I gave her the week off because she's working on some things for her own fic plus she deserves a break from work. Still, a huge thanks to c. anna. cullen for taking this on even though she's swamped. Still looking for a second beta so if there are any mistakes, you can thank me and me alone. Thank you to those of you who put me on your favorites/alerts lists. It makes me want to write more each day. Be sure to check out more notes at the end of the chapter. As always, here's the song that goes with the chapter. I recommend them for a reason; it is all intertwined so check it out and play it in this order: http:/www(dot)youtbe(dot)com/watch?v=PTo1KavRHQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player and ****http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=Ohzf9LUCuVQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player**

_In this farewell_

_There's no blood_

_There's no alibi_

_Cause I've drawn regret_

_From the truth_

_Of a thousand lies_

What I've Done by Linkin Park; Minutes to Midnight

**EPOV**

_Jacob Black_

_Damn you Jacob Black. You're always getting in the way of things. _Things had started rough, but had progressively gotten better throughout the day. Bella always came alive when we were at the beach. The way the sun's rays accented the burgundy speckles of her hair and brought a soft glow to her face was uncanny. Every time I looked at her I still could not believe she was with me. I had never dreamed or considered being in a steady relationship with anyone, girls where just there for entertainment. I had never dated a girl for more than a month and I'd been with Bella for a year now. _A year!_

It hadn't been easy getting to the point we were at now. I had been a battle of wits, but it was worth it. She wasn't like all the other girls who did whatever I wanted just to be around me. From the very beginning, Bella had gone against the norm. She had refused my many advances, which was one of the reasons I'd insisted. I wasn't used to rejection and I had been determined to date her and bed her before going my own way. After various failed attempts we had finally started dating, no thanks to the unwanted interference of Jacob Black.

_Jacob Black._ I formed fists with my hands as I walked brusquely down the block, avoiding contact with people unless they wanted to get punched. A few guys gave me angry looks, but my glare told them it was in their best interest to stay out of my way.

~OOO~

I stood waiting outside the library for the hundredth time that month, hoping to catch Isabella on her way out from her study session. We'd had a handful of conversations, or banter sessions if you chose to call them that, in the past two weeks. I had set my mind that today would be the day I asked her out and find out once and for all if this was going anywhere. She was cute, had a tight little body I wouldn't mind burying myself in, pouty lips that ached to be sucked and legs…well they needed to be wrapped around my waist or my head.

"She's not interested in you. Why don't you get a clue and leave her alone?"

I turned to see that black haired boy leaning against his blue Chevy. The guy was probably on steroids; he looked too buff for a kid his age.

"What's it to you? Are you her bodyguard or something?" I smirked.

"Or something," was his smug reply.

Before I could comment, Isabella and her friends exited the library and headed towards us.

"So, Isabella, you doing any thing this weekend? I got tickets to the Phoenix concert up at The Wiltern in L.A. I was hoping you could come…with me?" The blond guy called Mike asked.

"Oh, umm, that's really nice of you, but I have other plans for this weekend Mike."

"C'mon Isabella, you'll have fun," he pleaded.

I noticed Isabella shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, averting her gaze, and biting her lip. I was about to comment when steroids boy spoke.

"Sorry Mike, Bella and I have plans this weekend." He stated as he put his arm around her shoulder.

_Bella? Is that what she goes by? Everyone else calls her Isabella_. I mused.

"Yeah, Jacob and I have plans. Sorry Mike," she shrugged and headed towards the boy's Chevy.

I watched amused as Mike walked away defeated then turned to talk to Bella.

"Hey, Bella, have a minute?"

She turned and looked at me for a moment. "I'm sorry, who said you could call me that? I don't even know you. All I know about you is that you lurk around the library and annoy me." She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at me.

I tried to suppress my smile as I introduced myself. "Sorry I haven't properly introduced myself. I'm Edward Cullen. You're Bella?" I extended my hand to her.

"Isabella." She started at my hand for a moment before taking it in hers.

The moment our skin touched I felt an electric spark surge between us. I looked up to meet her surprised face and realized she'd felt it too. Her hand felt soft and warm in mine and I suddenly felt this overwhelming urge to protect her. She looked so small and fragile standing in front of me with that look of wonder etched in her eyes. Her eyes…they were warm and full of questions and in that moment I wanted to bare my soul to her and tell her everything about me. Something I had never done with anyone, not even my family. I slowly ran my thumb over her knuckles and she gasped.

"So, Isabella, what do I have to do so I can call you Bella?" I continued caressing her hand and smiled warmly at her.

"It would probably help if you weren't just trying to get into her pants, Cullen."

"What? Is that what this is all about? You're trying to seduce me?" Bella abruptly pulled her hand away from me and was now throwing daggers at me with her eyes.

"No, that's not true," I growled. _Damn it! This Jacob is ruining everything!_

"I know all about you, Cullen. You're some hotshot surfer who thinks he's Gods gift to the world. Just because you're father is a well-respected lawyer does not mean you're anything like him. Believe it or not, you and I run in the same circle of friends. I've heard all about your sexcapades and conquests."

I couldn't believe this was happening. This guy I didn't even know was portraying me as some womanizer. I couldn't let that happen. That would ruin my chances with Bella. It was true. I wanted her in my bed, but now there was more. There was something about her that made me want to come back again and again. I needed to see her. I needed to know what she was thinking. I needed to find out what that electric spark between us had been. If Jacob continued speaking she would never talk to me again.

Bella had retreated from me and was looking at us both with disbelief.

"Is it true?"

"No"

"Liar. You're such a liar, Cullen. Maybe I should call Jessica and ask her about her history with you. I'm sure Bella would be interested to hear her side of the story," Jacob said triumphantly.

_He knows Jessica Stanley? Jesus! I'm screwed!_

"You? You where the one?"

Bella backed away from me then and the look of horror and disgust she gave me was unbearable. I couldn't let her think the worst about me. Not her.

"Bella please let me explain. It's not true. I don't know how you know Jessica or what you've heard but it's not true!" I pleaded.

"Don't call me Bella. I don't know you and I don't want to know you. Leave me alone. Next time I see you lurking around me I'm calling the police."

Before I could reply she got in the car and slammed the door turning her body away from the window so as not to see me. I made a move towards the car but Jacob shoved me backwards.

"Stay away from her Cullen. Bella's been through enough. She doesn't need someone like you in her life. She deserves someone better. I'd better not see you around her again or you'll be sorry."

I was too stunned to respond and before I could react, Jacob had driven away with her, leaving me standing in the middle of the sidewalk wondering how things could have gone so terribly wrong. Jacob had ruined everything and I didn't care what he said, I was not giving up. Isabella would be mine.

~OOO~

I entered the crowded restaurant and made my way to the bar. Pulling out my fake I.D. I ordered the seasonal Sam Adams on tap.

"Busy night Felix."

"All the college kids crawled out of the woodwork. Getting their last few kicks out before they go away to school and this town becomes senior central again."

Felix was the bartender at the Beach Fire Grill, one of the most popular restaurant and bars in the small town. The ambiance wasn't what I was usually into, but tonight I needed noise in my head to keep me from the dark thoughts that threatened to engulf me. He knew I wasn't of legal age to drink, but also knew that I never drank to get wasted out of my mind. I'd turn twenty-one in a month anyways, the fake I.D. was just to keep things 'legit'.

"What brings you in here? No date on a Sunday night? Or are you out looking for a hookup?" He grinned.

"You know I have a girlfriend, Felix." I half spoke half growled.

"So you say, but I have yet to meet the elusive Swan."

"Well this isn't really her scene." I looked around to see all the girls donned in their best outfits trying to snatch a guy. Some were actually pretty or would look prettier without all the gobs of makeup on their faces. They looked about twenty-five when they were probably really only nineteen. B_ella would definitely feel out of place here. _She wasn't the type to wear tight jeans and low cut blouses like half the clientele wore tonight. Bella was more natural. She didn't need all the makeup or skintight clothes to make her attractive. Her beauty was effortless.

"So, where is your girl tonight Eddie boy? Shouldn't you be with her? Isn't that the boyfriend thing to do? Take your girl out on a Sunday night? Or does she have a curfew?" He chuckled.

"It's complicated."

"Girl troubles already? So soon? You should have stayed on the market longer then. Lot's of available honeys here tonight!"

Felix then turned to continue bartending a crowd of college girls that had just walked in. I sat at he bar drinking my beer and trying not to think about the argument I'd had with Bella. _Why does she have to be so stubborn? Why did she take Jacob's call in the middle of our conversation?_

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Edward Cullen."

I turned to see Tanya sitting in the stool next to me.

"Felix, rum and coke please." She turned to me with an amused expression.

"So what brings you out to play tonight, Edward?" She cocked her head and gave me a coquettish smile while she absent-mindedly twirled her long, curly, strawberry blonde hair with her index finger.

"Tanya, nice to see you too."

"Eddie, why so glum? Don't tell me your girl is giving you heartache already? She seemed so nice. Who knew she was such a handful." She smiled batting her eyelashes.

I glared at her. She knew better than to talk about Bella in a negative way.

"Down boy. I don't mean anything by it. I haven't seen you in a while and the first time I do you're here, " she motioned to the restaurant with her hands, "and you're drinking. You hardly ever drink. You only do so when you're stressed or have something that's bothering you."

"Maybe I just felt like having a drink."

"Honestly, Edward, you're not fooling me. You're always going on and on about how you have to keep healthy. You don't stay late at parties, you don't smoke, you hardly drink because you want your body to stay fit and healthy for your surfing. I doubt people are lining up to take lessons from a hung over teacher. Tell me, what's wrong?"

Felix arrived with her drink and I waited until he left to speak.

"It's Bella. We had a fight."

"Okay, and…she broke up with you?"

"No."

"Then?"

"I can't tell you without breaking her confidence."

"Look, Edward, You don't have to go into details. I understand if you can't tell me, but you have to vent a little. You look like you're about to punch a wall." Tanya gave me a concerned look before placing her hand on my forearm and squeezing it affectionately.

"A lot has happened in the past few days and well, she moved in with me." I mumbled lamely.

Tanya raised her brow and looked at me expectantly. I took a drink from my beer and continued.

"We had a pretty fantastic day today, but then things went sour once we got to my apartment. We had a fight about money and sleeping arrangements."

"She doesn't want to help you out and won't let you sleep with her?"

"No, it's the other way around."

"I'm confused, she wants to help you pay for things and does want you to sleep wither?"

"Something like that," I muttered.

"The fight was before, after..?"

"More like during."

"So what did you to decide on?"

"We didn't really decide on anything. She more or less told me what was going to happen. She can be so stubborn."

"So, she is going to help you pay with things instead of mooching off of you and has no problem sharing the bed. What's the problem?"

"It sounds simple when you put it that way, but there's more to it. It's complicated." I mumbled childishly.

"Whatever, Edward, you're being a typical male is all."

"No, that's not all Tanya. Jacob called her. We were in the middle of a fight and she took his call without even thinking about it. She always takes his calls, always puts him before me, so I left."

"Does this happen a lot? I mean does she talk to him a lot?"

"I don't know. She doesn't really talk to him when I'm around so maybe she talks to him when I'm not there." I absent-mindedly traced circles on the bar with my finger.

"Did she date him before you? Is he an ex boyfriend of hers?"

"No," I frown, "She's never said anything about having dated him, but I know he has feelings for her. I can tell by the way he looks at her. Ever since I met her he's always been there, like a shadow, a pebble in my shoe."

"What did she say exactly, Edward?"

I sighed resigned. "She said she hadn't talked to him in days and she thought he might be worried about her." I rubbed my face exasperated. "Something bad happened at her birthday party on Friday and she wanted to let him know she was ok."

"Let me see if I have this right. You had an argument because she doesn't want to be a burden to you and she doesn't mind the two of you sleeping in the same bed. How is this a problem, Edward? Never mind." Tanya shook her head and let out a breath before continuing. "You're upset because she wanted to talk to Jacob?"

"Yes, sort of, maybe."

"So, you're mad at her because she wanted to talk to a good friend, someone she's known longer than you, and let him know she's okay. You're upset with her because she's being considerate to someone who's always been there for her? You left the apartment in the middle of an argument without telling her when you'd be back?"

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. Things didn't look as bad as I had thought they did. I was being jerk and I new it.

"Does she know you're here, Edward?"

I shook my head and started at the bar in front of me, not wanting to meet Tanya's disapproving gaze.

"So, it's okay for you to sit here, in a bar, talking to an old friend who happens to be someone you once fooled around with, but it's not okay for her to talk on the phone with an old friend whom she's possibly never even kissed?"

When she said it like that it sounded awful. I was being childish and hadn't realized it until Tanya had pointed it out.

"Edward, you and I have a strange history, one I'm sure you haven't shared with her so I'm telling you this from experience. If you want to have a future with her, be it a few months or the rest of your life, you have to stop being so possessive and jealous. It'll only driver her away and into the arms of another guy. Stop seeing things that aren't there because if you don't, she will choose Jacob over you and next time she won't come back."

I met her concerned gaze and nodded in understanding. My chest constricted painfully at the thought of ever losing Bella due to my actions. Tanya smiled warmly at me and kissed me on the cheek before getting up from her place at the bar.

"I'm glad you finally met someone who challenges you, Edward. Just make sure you don't spoil things. Girls like that don't come around often." She then turned and made her way towards a crowd of her friends.

Tanya was right, she always was. We'd tried dating for a while when we were both in high school, but had both been unwilling to give in to the other's demands. She wanted a steady boyfriend and I just wanted someone who'd be there whenever I wanted sex. We'd eventually stopped trying and after a heated argument in which she emphatically reminded me that I had no claim on her since I refused to commit to a serious relationship, we ended up being great friends. She was the only woman who'd stood up to me, until Bella. What the hell was I doing? Tanya was right, I had fucked up in a big way and I had to fix it. Bella had enough things stressing her out at the moment and I wasn't helping.

I finished my beer and paid Felix before going out into the cool summer night. It was almost eleven by the time I got to the dark apartment. The lights were off and everything was silent. I opened the door slowly and noticed my sheets were sitting on the sofa like I'd left them that morning. The bedroom door was slightly open so I peeked in expecting to see Bella in bed. She wasn't there. I noticed the bathroom door was closed so I turned back to the living room and sat on the sofa while I waited for her to come out.

I must have fallen asleep while I waited because opening my eyes I noticed morning had come. I stretched and groaned at my stiff muscles. Sitting was not a good position to sleep in. _Odd, Bella didn't wake me to make me go to bed._ _She must still be mad at me for leaving last night. _With a sigh I stood and walked to the bedroom. The bed was still empty and the bathroom door was still closed. I strained to hear for any noise but was met with silence.

"Bella?" I knocked on the door. Nothing. "Bella, are you okay?" Still nothing.

I tentatively grasped the door handle and turned it. Opening the door slowly I saw that the bathroom was empty. _Hmmm. She must have left for work early_. I couldn't remember if she'd said she had an early shift at the bookstore, but glancing at the clock on the bedside table I saw it was only eight in the morning. I had thirty minutes to get ready for my first lesson of the day so I quickly jumped in the shower to wash away the stiffness in my muscles.

_Bella didn't wake me this morning either. She must be really upset with me, or maybe she was in a hurry. No, idiot, she's mad at you and she has every right to be. You behaved like a 5 year old throwing a temper tantrum. _I argued with myself. I'd have to find a way to make it up to her. Maybe I'd surprise her at work with flowers. I smiled to myself as I thought of a plan. I got dressed in my blue board shorts and quickly threw on a white v-neck t-shirt. Reaching for my phone on the counter on my way to the front door I noticed the battery was drained. I plugged it in to charge and headed out for my 9 am lesson, I wouldn't need it at the beach anyway.

* * *

I got back to my apartment a little after eleven and headed straight for the shower. I needed to rinse off all the sea salt and the tension from the lesson from hell. I wasn't sure if my new student was really interested in learning to surf of just interested in me. She'd made a few passes at me and "accidentally" brushed up against me one too many times for my comfort. Hopefully she'd get the message that I wasn't interested.

I turned on my cell phone and phoned Bella's work but was told she wasn't there. _Hmm maybe she's out on break. _The icon at the bottom of the screen informed me that I had four voice messages. The first was from a student calling to cancel his lesson for today. _Good, gives me more time to plan my surprise for Bella. _The second was from Bella.

"Edward, are you coming back soon? I hate fighting with you. Please call me. Okay. Bye." There was a pause and a small sigh before she hung up.

A lump rose in my throat as I imagined her standing in the middle of the empty apartment trying to contact me. The third call was also from Bella. "Edward, Please pick up. Please…" Someone knocked at the door and she opened it. There was a slight rustling noise and then the line went dead. The last call was just a hang up.

She'd sounded sad in her last message, almost as if she'd been crying. I furiously dialed her number but it went straight to her voice mail. I was about to dial again when the screen flashed with an incoming call from Alice.

"Hey Alice, I can't talk right now, can I call you back?"

"Edward! Where have you been? I've been trying to reach you all morning!"

"Alice, I don't have time, I have to call Bella, we had a fight last night and I need to make things right."

"You had a fight? What's wrong with you? This is the worst moment to be picking fights!" She yelled into the receiver.

"Alice, I'm hanging up now…"

"No! Edward, you have to come to the hospital right now!"

"Why?" Alice was usually composed but her tone was starting to scare me. _Something must be really wrong in order for her to be so rattled. _

"Oh Edward…"

"What's wrong Alice, why are you in the hospital?"

"Edward, it's Bella…"

The phone fell from my hands and hit the floor with a thud. Bella…her last message…the knock at the door, then the line going dead. I feel to my knees as the air left my lungs and felt a sharp, stinging pain in my chest. _No! Bella! My Bella!_

**A/N Next update may not be for another two weeks. You have been warned. That is unless I get flooded with a massive amount of reviews.**

**Also, check out my beta's fic "I know Those Eyes" http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5762812/1/I_Know_Those_Eyes**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Hellooo! So sorry this chapter took so long to update. I know it's been over 2 weeks. In my defense, there were a lot of changes going on at work and I wanted to give you a proper update not just some random blubber to fill the time. Can I just say I am floored at the amount of people that have this story to their favorites and put it on their alerts? I'm speechless.. okay not really, but THANK YOU! Huge thanks to my beta c. anna cullen for writing comma over 50 times and a big welcome to my second beta Pyejammies! No music for this chapter, it just is.**

**Without further delay, take a deep breath and enjoy!**

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Dr Andrews, you're wanted in ICU. Dr. Andrews, you're wanted in ICU."

The hospital ward was unusually busy for a Monday morning. Nurses scurried through the hallways wheeling carts with bedding and clean linen for the various rooms in the emergency ward. The overhead speakers announced doctors being paged from the ER to the ICU every 10 minutes.

The waiting room was full of strangers waiting for their loved ones. There were couples, families and friends; others were patients waiting to be admitted for tests and easy fix stitches. The one group that stood out in sharp contrast was the young twenty-somethings that were seated at the corner of the room. The spiky, shorthaired girl sat motionless, staring at the wall. The only movement coming from her was the constant wringing of her hands. The boy sitting next to her would rub her back from time to time or lean into her ear to whisper soothing words. At the other end of the couch sat a 20-year-old young woman who could easily be mistaken for a model. Her beautiful blond hair cascaded down her back as she twirled a strand between her fingers. The constant shaking of her leg gave away the fact that she was not as calm and closed off as she seemed. Her boyfriend, the tall brooding, teddy-bear presence in the room, shifted awkwardly from foot to foot not knowing how to bring her comfort.

They were all here for the same reason. One event had brought them together at the late hour of the previous night. That reason was currently in the second floor of the hospital, in the Intensive Care Unit. They hadn't gotten much information from the doctors or nurses because they were not blood relatives of the patient. They had only been able to glean small pieces of information from doctors as they discussed the case in passing.

"Too much blood lost..."

"Bruising in every inch of her body…"

"…the ambulance got her to the hospital in time to treat her."

"It's a miracle she made it through the night…"

"In her state, she may not make it another week…"

A nurse walked towards the group just then, and Alice was the first to speak.

"Any news? How is she? Can we see her?"

"She is still unconscious, but her breathing has evened out. That's all I can tell you at the moment. She's been placed in a smaller room in the ICU ward, and, at the request of her next of kin, you have all been allowed to visit. Only two people can be in the room at a time, so please take turns in going to see her. When you reach the second floor, the attending nurse can direct you to the room." The nurse then gave each one a visitor's pass before retreating through the double doors.

"I should go first. I'm Bella's best friend and I should be there with her right now." Alice quickly gathered her purse and headed towards the elevator as Rose spoke behind her.

"If we're going in order of friends, then I should be the one going. I've known Bella a lot longer, no offense, and this isn't the first time I've come to see her at a hospital. I think I know how to handle the situation a little better than you." Rose stood from her place in the couch and walked purposely towards the smaller girl.

"Maybe you've known her longer, but I've been here for her this past year. I think I know what I'm dealing with."

The two girls stared at each other willing the other to back down.

"Girls, why don't you both go up? The nurse said two people could visit at a time. There's not need to get into a fight over who is a better friend. Right now, I think Bella would just be happy knowing you are both here for her."

Alice glared at her boyfriend before relenting. "Fine."

Jasper walked to her and bringing her into his arms for a hug, whispered into her ear, "Alice, I know you mean well, but right now you need to think of Bella. Put her first. Place your competitive nature aside, and just be the sweet girl I fell in love with. She needs peace and quiet, not two girls fighting over her like a rag doll."

The pixie pursed her lips before letting out a breath and nodding in understanding. She extracted herself from his embrace and went to wait for the elevator.

"Sorry, Rose. I guess we're both worried about her right now." She smiled apologetically.

Rose nodded in reply and stepped into the elevator with Alice trailing behind her.

Half an hour later, Rosalie reappeared at the waiting room of the emergency floor.

"So, I talked the on duty nurse into letting us move up to the waiting area of the ICU ward. I promised her we'd be quiet so as not to disturb the other visitors and patients. You guys coming?"

"Rose, you're amazing!" Emmett hugged his girlfriend tight before scooping up his discarded jacket and going to the elevator with Jasper trailing behind.

The ICU ward was quiet except for the beeping of machines in every room and the group made its way to the waiting room in the corner of the small ward. Rose returned to the private room to alert Alice of their arrival while Jasper and Emmett sat in uncomfortable silence.

Alice soon appeared and broke the silence.

"She looks so frail and broken just laying there. It's like there's no life left in her." She sniffled and Jasper pulled her to sit on his lap, rubbing her back in a circular motion to try and soothe her.

"Bella…she's so… so pale…I've never seen her like that. Jacob hasn't left her side the whole time since he got here. He just sits there next to her, holding her to him, talking to her, but she's not responding to anything."

Alice wiped away the tears that now streamed down her face before continuing.

"He told us the doctor doesn't think she's got much time left. Even if she wakes up from the coma she's in, she needs a liver transplant and the odds of her getting one are very slim."

"Emmett, do you want to go in and see her?" Rose spoke from the doorway.

"No, I don't know what I would say. If Jacob is in there with her, I think that's good. Maybe later." He spoke in a low tone while scratching his head in frustration. Emmett wasn't used to sharing his feelings with anyone. He was usually seen as the happy-go-lucky guy without a care in the world, but at times like these, his caring nature would emerge. He cared about Bella like a little sister even though she was only 3 years younger. He'd met her through Rosalie a few years back when she was still in high school. Despite the age difference and that Bella was a sophomore while Rosalie was a senior, they were close friends, almost inseparable.

~OOO~

"You'd better behave yourself. I really want you two to meet. It's only fitting that my best friend meets my boyfriend. We'll see if she approves, otherwise I'll have to dump you and start my search again."

"Don't worry, baby. No one can resist my charm and good looks," he said while wiggling his eyebrows at the 18-year-old blond beauty sitting on the opposite side of the booth.

"Besides, have you seen these dimples?" He flashed a toothy smile that displayed a dimple on each cheek.

Rosalie snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Trust me; she's immune to dimples and goofy smiles. I think you'll have your work cut out for you, Emmett."

"Rosalie Hale, I accept that challenge. By the end of the day, Bella will be putty in my hands. No one can resist 'The Emminator'." He flexed his muscles ostentatiously.

"The what? I cannot believe I'm dating someone who calls himself 'The Emminator'." Rose shook her head in disbelief. "I'm going to use the ladies room, if Bella arrives while I'm gone, you'd better be on your best behavior, understand?"

Emmett's only reply was a salute.

"The Emminator," Rose walked away grumbling to herself.

At that moment, the door to the diner opened and in walked a bronze haired 18-year-old boy. Suddenly, every single female in the room turned to stare. Noticing what was happening, he smirked and winked at a few of them as he made his way to the counter.

"Picking up an order for Cullen."

The waitress behind the counter stared for a second before scurrying off to retrieve the order from the kitchen. Meanwhile, the boy scanned the small dinner for signs of familiar faces and spotted one of his surfing buddies sitting at a nearby booth.

"Hey Emmett, how's it going?"

"What's up, bro! Long time no see. What have you been up to? You still hitting the surf?"

"I haven't done any competitions recently. I just moved out of my parent's house and got my own place downtown. So, I've been mostly teaching lessons to pay the bills. I've been saving up though, so you'll probably see me around the surfing circuits next year. Watch your back, Emmett; I've gotten better since last time we competed against each other. What are you doing here? Eating alone or waiting on someone?"

"I'm here with my girlfriend, but we're waiting for her best friend to join us. I'm going to be put through the best friend test, see if I pass." He pretended to shudder and laughed.

"Order for Cullen."

"Well it was nice seeing you, man. Give me call, maybe we can head up to Huntington and catch some waves soon. I hear the swells are going to be ridiculous next week." The two friends shook hands, and the bronze haired boy turned back to the counter.

He paid for his food and when the waitress gave him his change and receipt, he noticed she'd written her phone number on the bottom. He smirked and stuffed it into his back jeans pocked before heading to the door.

Just then, a small brunette girl of about 16 walked into the dinner looking for her friend. She spotted her walking out of the restroom and raised her hand to wave in greeting. Unfortunately, a strange guy walked by her just then and she ended up slapping him in the chest.

"Oops, sorry," she mumbled and looked down to her feet to hide her reddening cheeks.

"Don't worry about it" he replied and walked out the door without a backwards glance at her.

"You okay, Bella? That guy should watch where he's going. Did he hurt you?"

"No, I'm okay, Rose. I didn't see him and bumped into him, that's all."

Rose huffed in annoyance at her friend's quick dismissal and was about to speak when she was interrupted.

"So, Rose, where's this guy I keep hearing so much about. He does exist, right? You didn't just make him up? Oh, wait! Let me see if I can figure out who it is from your description. Hmm." Bella then made a show of looking over the male customers one by one. All the while mumbling "too tall, too skinny, too buff, too dorky." Her eyes settled on a guy sitting alone at a booth who looked to be about 19 years old. He was tanned, had a lean body and short-cropped hair. He was stuffing his face with fries while nodding his head to the background music.

"That one, right there!" She pointed triumphantly. "Am I right?"

Rose looked in the direction where she was pointing and was dismayed to see she was wrong. Bella Swan had selected Demetri as her boyfriend. Rose couldn't stand Demetri. She loathed him. It all went back to their freshmen year in high school when he'd tried to cop a feel, and she'd punched him in the face.

"No, Bella, that's not him. Emmett is the one sitting by the window playing with his phone." Rose then proceeded to walk to the booth and sat herself beside him.

Bella followed suit and sat across from the couple.

"Emmett, this is Bella. Bella, this is Emmett." She pointed from one to the other.

"Nice to finally meet you Bella. Rose won't stop talking about you. She's always yapping away about Bella this and Bella that." He smiled.

Belle studied him for a beat, and he fell silent. He wasn't used to being scrutinized, let alone be studied by a girl 3 years his junior. He fidgeted and turned to look at Rose then turned back to Bella.

"Are you sure, Rose? Cause I think that guy over there suits you more. I mean, no offense Emmett, but Rosalie usually goes for the strong silent type and you're neither."

Emmett's jaw dropped while Rose stifled a laugh. Bella was toying with him, gauging his reaction.

"Hmm, well are you sure you're _THE_ Bella I hear so much about? I was expecting someone more, what's the word I'm looking for,? Adult. Maybe she has another friend named Bella. You must be the kid she baby-sits. That's it, isn't it?" he countered.

Bella pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows before turning to Rose and nodding. Rose raised her eyebrows in response then furrowed them at her friend. Emmett watched the silent exchange before he started to make faces art them, pretending to be part of the non-verbal conversation.

Bella turned to look at him and narrowed her eyes. He met her gaze and the two sat in a stare off for a minute before Rose interrupted.

"Okay, okay children! Break it up. I swear I'm hanging out with 5 year olds."

Bella and Emmett turned to mock glare at her before bursting into laughter.

"Rose, I approve. He didn't get offended and go all girly on me like most guys would. He's got a good sense of humor, which is something you need in your life. You take things too seriously; I think Emmett is just the person to help you out with that." She nodded in mock contemplation. "Yes, you may continue to date him."

"Gee, thanks, oh wise one."

"I don't know baby, she sounds pretty smart to me, I think you should seek her council more often," replied Emmett.

"Hmm, maybe you should just date each other then."

"Nah, big burly teddy bears aren't my type. I prefer someone tall dark and handsome." Bella sighed in a dreamy tone.

"Yeah, baby, and I like my women with some meat on them, frail little brunettes don't really do it for me." He grinned.

The three of them bantered and chatted for the remainder of the day and by the time they left, Emmett had taken to the small, frail girl as his younger sister, a bond that would last for years to come.

~OOO~

"Has anyone contacted Edward?"

"I tried calling him earlier, but there was no answer. I'd go to his apartment but I don't want to be gone when Bella wakes up." Alice looked up from her lap where she'd been shredding a piece of paper absentmindedly.

"Try him again; maybe he hasn't checked his phone." Jasper encouraged her.

Alice nodded and began dialing Edward's number.

"What I don't understand is where the hell was Edward when this happened? From what Jacob told us, he wasn't even with her! How irresponsible can he be to leave her alone at a time like this? Especially after what happened on her birthday!" Rosalie paced back and forth, clenching and unclenching her fists.

"Jacob was the one who got her to the hospital. Jacob's the one who's been here, by her side, the entire night. Where's Edward? How could he not notice her absence the entire night? He's supposed to be taking care of her and he's nowhere in sight."

"Rose, calm down, you don't know what happened between them. You don't know if he's even aware of her being here."

Rosalie turned to glare at her boyfriend. "They are living together now, Emmett. How can he not know she's missing? Tell me that." She hissed. "I told her he wasn't good enough for her. I told her he wasn't the right guy for her. I wish she would have listened to me." She sat on the couch defeated, placing her head in her hands.

Alice rejoined the group moments later, missing the exchange regarding her brother.

"Edward's on his way. His battery had died and he was just checking his messages when I called him. Apparently they had a fight last night and when he came home everything was dark so he didn't notice Bella's absence."

"What about this morning, he didn't notice it then?" Rosalie asked sharply.

"No, he thought she'd left for work already. He's a mess, it took me a while to calm him down and explain to him what happened. He'll be here in a few minutes. Please, can we all just be civil? Things are bad enough as it is; Bella needs peace and quiet right now. It would kill her to see us bickering like this."

"Fine, but he'd better keep his distance from me unless you want me to tell him a few choice things."

"Maybe someone should go tell Jacob," added Jasper.

"I'll go."

"I'll go with you Alice, I haven't seen Bella yet."

Jasper and Alice exited the waiting room in the ICU floor and Emmett took the opportunity to talk to Rosalie before Edward arrived.

"Rose, babe, I know you and Bella go back a while and well, she's like a kid sister to me, but I was hoping you could explain something to me." He took her hand in his as he sat next to her on the couch.

"What?"

"What's the deal with Jacob and Bella? I know she's never been interested in him as more than a friend, but does he reciprocate the feeling or does he want more?"

"Emmett, it's not like that between them. Jacob is an old friend of the family's. They practically grew up together and when her parents got divorced, she spend a lot of time at his house. There was a lot of fighting and yelling between Renee and Charlie before they finally decided to separate. Things at home weren't great so she stayed away as much as she could."

"I get that, I do, but the way he is always around her, always there, is sort of freaky. I mean, the moment anything goes wrong, he rushes to be at her side. That's not normal. No matter how close of a friend a guy is, the only reason to rush to her side is if he feels something else for her."

"Oh, like Edward, right. He loves her so much he's right there besides her this very moment," Rose replied sarcastically.

"That's not fair, Rose. He didn't know she was here. Hell, we didn't know until Jacob called you. How was he the first to know? Shouldn't Edward have been the first notified? That makes no sense Rose. I can understand why Edward is so leery of Jacob. He's always there; Bella always relies on him more than anyone. Why is that Rose? Why?"

Rosalie hesitated a moment before turning to look at Emmett. She spoke slowly and in a hushed tone.

"Okay, Emmett. I can't say exactly what it is between them but you're right, they do share a deep bond. I'm Bella's best friend and she has told me some things in confidence, things that I cannot say to anyone. It's not up to me to share her story. She's not ready yet. I'm not sure she'll ever really be ready to share that story with anyone, not even Edward. If she does, I hope he's man enough to stand by her. If he doesn't, he doesn't deserve her."

"But she's shared it with Jacob, right?" Emmett asked disgusted.

"Don't be too quick to judge her, Emmett, you don't know what she's been through. Like I said, Jacob and Bella have known each other for a long time and he's always been there for her when she's needed him the most. He's been her rock, her friend, and her shoulder to cry on. Whether Edward likes it or not, they'll always have that between them; Jacob will always be the one that saved her and brought her back to life."

"Saved her? How? What are you talking about, Rose?" Emmett looked bewildered, he tried but failed to remember a time when Bella had been in life threatening danger but turned up blank. For all the time he'd known her, Bella had never been in any accidents, other than the ones caused by her mother.

Rosalie took a deep breath before continuing.

"Emmett, this has to stay between us. I'm only telling you so you can understand what is going on between Jacob and Bella and why he is the one in that room with her right now. Why he is always there when something bad happens to her and why he'll probably always be there until the day she dies. About two years ago, something happened to her. Renee had one of her parties and everyone had been drinking. As usual, Renee passed out drunk not caring about what type of people were in her home. Not caring about what men where in her house with her sixteen-year-old daughter. Do you remember how Bella was gone for a while a few months after you met her?"

Emmett nodded an assent.

"Well, something happened at that party. I don't know what exactly, only Jacob and Bella know for certain. One of Phil's friends got into Bella's room while she was alone."

"Did he attack her while she slept?" Emmett shot up from the couch, his body shaking in anger, his hands fisting at his side.

"Emmett, calm down."

Rose waited until he sat down next to her and continued.

"Bella was awake when he entered her room. I don't know what happened after. The only thing I know was that the next morning, Jacob went to visit her to see how things where. He always checked on her after her mother's parties to make sure nothing got out of hand. Well, he went to her room and when he opened it, that guy was still there with Bella. She was passed out on the bed and he was trying…he was trying to wake her up."

Silent tears began to spill down her cheeks and Emmett pulled her into a hug.

"Emmett, if it hadn't been for Jacob who knows what would have happened? Bella won't tell me if anything happened that night. Jacob is the only one who knows, he holds her secret. I have a feeling it must have been awful because she moved in with him and Billy that afternoon. She didn't go to school for two weeks. She barely called me during that time. All I know, all Jacob would tell me, is that she was having nightmares and would wake up screaming. It took her some time to readjust and didn't return back home until Renee broke things off with Phil. I think she didn't feel safe being there while he had access to her home. That's why Jake is always there now. He's her protector. He feels guilty for not being there for her that night. For a while he kept saying it was all his fault, I think he still feels somewhat responsible to this day."

Rose wiped the tears from her cheeks and looked earnestly at her boyfriend.

"You see, Bella needs him, and he won't leave her until he knows she's safe. Not until he's convinced that Edward can really take care of her. Right now, he's proving Jacob right."

"Who's proving Jacob right? Where's Bella?" Edward stood in the waiting room entrance running his hands through his hair.

"How is she? I need to see her. I need to tell her I'm sorry. I should have been there. I should have been the one there for her." He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes tightly as he tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat.

"Please, someone tell me where she is," he pleaded.

"Alice and Jasper are with her right now. The nurse said we're only allowed two more people at a time. Since Jacob is already in there, we'll have to wait until Alice or Jasper comes out so you can go in."

"Jacob's here? Of course he would be." He clenched his jaw trying to prevent the sudden surge of jealousy and anger from overtaking him.

"Edward! You're here, thank God!" Alice rushed into the room and enveloped her older brother into a tight hug.

"Alice, how is she?"

"Still asleep. Do…do you want to go see her? Come, I'll take you to the room." Alice clasped his hand in hers and dragged him towards the private room.

Walking into the small room in the ICU ward, Edward was not prepared for what greeted him. In a small cot in the corner of the room, Bella lay sleeping. She looked pale, the red rims around her eyes providing a sharp contrast with her fair skin. Jacob Black lay besides her, holding her tightly to his chest with one arm while running his free hand trough her hair. Her head lay over his chest as her small hand gripped his shirt. Jacobs's head rested on top of hers as he whispered words that could only be heard by the sleeping girl next to him.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Edward spoke through clenched teeth, his hands forming into fists at his sides.

**A/N I know, I'm evil. It will all make sense in the next chapter, maybe. Quick note. I am looking for someone to make me an avatar for my profile, preferably one that goes along with this story. I'm thinking Surfward…PM me your ideas or pics! Also, I'm going to try and start tweeting pics of the places mentioned in here, yes, they are real places. So, if you have a twitter my username is EternaAlba. As always, please review!**


	6. Chapter 6  Little Things Give You Away

**A/N: Happy new year! Hope you all had wonderful holidays and got everything you asked for. I tried to post this sooner but Edward was hiding from me. He was mad about the whole Jacob/Bella in bed thing. Tsk Tsk. I'm already started on the next chapter so I promise to have it to you before February. Thanks to those of you who put me in their alerts, it warms my heart. Please review I want to know what you think! Much love...onward to the story.**

**You can listed to the instrumental version of the song at: www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=bLA0HA2Yalw&feature=youtube_gdata_player or with lyrics at www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=lg_w7zgKLDU&feature=youtube_gdata_player**

_Water grey_  
_Through the windows, up the stairs_  
_Chilling rain_  
_Like an ocean everywhere_

_Don't want to reach for me do you_  
_I mean nothing to you_  
_The little things give you away_

_And now there will be no mistaking_  
_The levees are breaking_

_All you've ever wanted_  
_Was someone to truly look up to you_  
_And six feet under water_  
_I do_

_Little Things Give You Away – Linkin Park, Minutes to Midnight_

_Walking into the small room in the ICU ward, Edward was not prepared for what greeted him. In a small cot in the corner of the room, Bella lay sleeping. She looked pale, the red rims around her eyes providing a sharp contrast with her fair skin. Jacob Black lay besides her, holding her tightly to his chest with one arm while running his free hand trough her hair. Her head lay over his chest as her small hand gripped his shirt. Jacobs's head rested on top of hers as he whispered words that could only be heard by the sleeping girl next to him._

_"What the fuck is going on here?" Edward spoke through clenched teeth, his hands forming into fists at his sides._

**JPOV**

"Nice to see you too, Cullen"

"Jacob. May I ask what you're doing here? Never mind, I already know"

"You should be used to it by now, Eddie. Wherever Bella is, I am too." _Cocky son of a bitch._

I slowly moved away from Bella and pried her soft hand off my t-shirt before sliding off the small cot. The nurses had been nice enough to bring it in after my dad talked to them and explained the situation.

"Outside." I motioned Edward to follow me out into the hallway. I didn't want anything to interrupt Bella's slumber and I didn't trust the asshole to keep his voice down. He obviously had already forgotten we were in the ICU ward of the hospital.

Edward looked over at Bella but followed me out soon after.

"Listen up, Cullen, I'm only going to say this once. Bella needs me here so there's no point in you bitching about it. Be a man and suck it up. I don't like or trust you any more than you like me, but I've been a fixture in Bella's life longer than you ever will be. You obviously don't care that much for her or her safety if you left her alone last night. Are you that insecure or do you trust her so little that you can't let her have any male friends? Not that I give a fuck because if she dumped your sorry ass I'd be throwing a party the second I hung up the phone with her."

Edward narrowed his eyes at me and I could see his fists clenching at every word I said, but I didn't care. _It's not my job to care about anyone other than the girl sleeping in that room._

"I didn't leave her alone last night...why am I explaining myself to you? It's none of your fucking business."

"Oh it is my business, Cullen. Anything that concerns Bella and has her crying on the phone concerns me. I told you from the very beginning to stay away from her. You're nothing but a self-centered asshole that doesn't deserve her. She should have listened to me when I told her you were up to no good, when I told her to keep you at arm's length."

"Bella's a big girl, Jacob. She doesn't need you making decisions for her. Don't _you_ trust her?"

"I trust her, it's you I don't trust and I have every reason to keep her safe from guys like you." _Predators like you._

~oOo~

"So that Edward guy asked me out again."

My head snapped up from the book I was reading to see Bella staring at me with that adorable "I think he's going to kill me" expression. The one that had her chewing the crap out of her bottom lip accompanied with two giant brown saucers above her nose.

"Yeah? What did you say?

"The usual," she shrugged. "I told him I'm not interested in stalkers but…"

"But?"

"Well, he does seem kinda nice Jake," she mumbled as she shifted her body to face me.

We were currently sitting on her living room floor going over college catalogues. She'd mentioned wanting to study on the East coast so I'd immediately gathered as many brochures as I could in order to give her all the choices she wanted. Bella was smarter than most girls her age so she deserved to get into any college or university she wanted. I'd checked out some books from the library so we could find out all the possibilities to further her education. She needed to know about grants, scholarships, the works. She needed to stop thinking about certain people that were "kinda nice" because they weren't even remotely nice.

"Bella, he's playing you. He's a player. That's what he does. He sweetens you up so you give in and then discards you once he's had his fun."

"Like he did with Jessica?" She spoke to her lap.

"Yeah, like he did with Jessica." I sighed while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

She toyed with the hem of her shirt for a moment and I was about to return to my book when she continued.

"What exactly did he do to Jessica? I mean I've heard vague stories, but I wanna know what happened? I mean, he seems so nice in person, it can't be that bad, right?"

Poor Bella, she looks almost hopeful now it was my duty to crush that hope.

"He used her, Bella."

"How?"

"How do you think?" My tone was harsh, but she'd asked so I was going to tell her.

"For sex?" Her voice was barely a whisper.

"Yeah, for sex."

We stared at each other for a beat. It's not usually normal to be discussing sex with a girl like Bella, but after _that night_ it wasn't a topic that was off limits. Anything she needed to know I'd tell her because she had to be informed. She needed to know everything it involved, and that it wasn't always hearts and flowers like in the movies. Of course, after _that night_ she already knew that.

"What did he do to her? Did he…" She trailed off leaving the thought unfinished but I knew what she wanted to know. Did he rape her?

"No, nothing like that."

Bella nodded once before pressing on. "Then how?"

"He used her." She gave me a look of confusion so I elaborated. "Jessica Stanley had a thing for Edward Cullen for as long as I can remember. He used that to his advantage. He toyed with her and played with her emotions until she gave him the one thing he wanted. She'd never had serious boyfriends and she made it very clear that she wasn't into random hook ups. That's why Edward pursued her, she was his ultimate prize."

"A virgin?"

"Yeah. He wore her down until one day she finally gave in thinking he'd be around for a while, but that wasn't the case. He dumped her a week later. Her parents found out and they were furious. They wanted him to make things right by her but he refused stating that she'd been more than willing to give it up to him."

"He said that? To her parents?"

"Something along those lines. Anyway, they sent her away a few months after that. The rumor was that she was pregnant, but I never got the chance to ask her if it was true. I haven't talked to her since she got back."

"So he got her pregnant and then claimed it wasn't his? Wow, that's pretty shitty."

"Bella, I don't know if he did or didn't. All I know is he convinced her to do something she didn't want to do. That's not okay. She wasn't ready and he should not have pressured her into it, but that's the kind of guy he is. All he cares about is himself and fulfilling his needs. To him, everyone else is collateral damage. As long as Edward Cullen comes out on top, nothing else matters."

"Nice way of putting it, Jake." She snorted.

"Huh?"

"Comes out on top?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

"You have such a dirty mind, Bella. Who would have guessed under such an innocent face lies the mind of a pervert?"

"Whatever, Jacob. You taught me everything I know, so if I have a dirty mind you are solely to blame. I am an innocent."

"Innocent my ass."

"Yeah, right. Your ass has seen more action than…"

"Bellaaaa. Ugh get back to the brochures, will ya? Put the 40% of your brain that isn't filthy into good use."

"Aww you're sweet, Jake, but I think it's less than 40."

"Ugh, Bella, you're gross"

She then collapsed into a fit of giggles effectively ending the college research.

~oOo~

"Will you two keep it down? We can hear you bickering like little girls all the way to the waiting room. Edward, you should be glad Jacob was around to be there for Bella. You don't know what would have happened if he hadn't gone to get her at the apartment," Alice interrupted.

Edward simply clenched his jaw and didn't reply.

"I'm not a dick. I want what's best for Bella. I don't think you're it, but for some unknown reason she's in love with you. Just know I'm watching you, Cullen. One more mess up and you're gone. I don't care how she protests. I'm going to get something to eat," I turned to look at the tiny girl fidgeting next to me. "Keep an eye on her and let me know when she wakes up."

I took a few steps down the hallways before turning around to face Edward Cullen. "You're welcome by the way."

Alice poked him in the ribs before he muttered a "thank you" my way and I got into the elevator.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, I returned to find Edward sitting at the edge of the cot were Bella still lay sleeping. I could tell the uncertainty was getting to him because he kept tugging at that ridiculous hair of his. I'm sure the beeping of the machines and the drip, drip of the IV wasn't helping either.

She suddenly stirred and her eyes fluttered open. She winced at the light and threw her hand over her face.

"Jake?" She cleared her throat to get the raspy-ness out, her voice having been worn out from crying the previous night.

Edward tensed at the foot of the bed and I simply shrugged when he turned to glare at me. Not my fault Bella wanted me instead of him.

"Hey, sleepy head. You feeling better?"

I tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and ran my thumb along her cheekbone. Bella gave me a lazy smile and nodded. Her eyes shot open when she remembered where she was.

"How long was I out?

"A couple hours. It was a long night, Bells."

She sat up slowly and fixed her ponytail, still oblivious to Edward's presence in the room. He now stood by the doorway with his hands shoved in his pocket, his facial expression torn between anger and fear. I had to admit, I was rather enjoying his turmoil. Like I said, I'm not a total dick, so I decided to put him out of his misery.

"Hey, Bella, you have a visitor." I nodded my head in his direction and Bella frowned before turning to look at him.

"Hey"

"Hi"

They stared at each other for a few seconds before Bella shifted her eyes to meet mine. I nodded at her in acquiescence; I knew she wanted some privacy with Edward so I gave it to her.

"I'll be right outside if you need anything okay?" I left the room and closed the door behind me.

**EPOV**

I watched Jacob saunter away in annoyance. He was so cocky and smug it made me want to punch it right out of him. Technically, I could. We were in a hospital and any damage I did could be easily remedied. Hospital. Right. Bella. I turned to go check on her. Alice said she'd fallen asleep only a few hours ago so I doubted she was awake yet. Peering in the door as quietly as I could, I scanned the room. The beeping of the machines was the only thing audible, besides the drip of the IV.

Bella still lay asleep where I'd seen her mere minutes before. Wisps of hair framed her face while the rest poked out of what used to be a ponytail. Her right arm lay beside her, bent at the elbow, her hand close to her face. Her torso was half twisted to the right while her legs curled in to the left, the position making her body look like an odd S shape. She couldn't possibly be comfortable, but I didn't want to wake her in my attempt to move her.

I ached to reach out and move the hair from her face, but decided against it. Instead, I merely sat at the edge of the cot and watched the rise and fall of her chest. Last night's fight now seemed pointless. She'd wanted to share a bed with me and had ended up sleeping here, in a cot, in the hospital. I still couldn't believe we'd had a fight about sleeping arrangements and bills. I'd let my anger get the best of me, when Jacob had called, and I'd left her alone. How could I have left her alone? True, I had no way of knowing we'd end up here, but I owed her more than that. She deserved more than that. I'd promised her peace and security and now…

Time passed slowly but before I knew it, Jacob was back in the room. Bella awoke at the same time, and I was torn between elation and anger. Anger at having Jacob here invading my time with her. The anger intensified when I heard her call his name and saw their interaction together. They spoke softly to each other and she gave him a shy smile. My smile. A smile I thought she reserved for me. I was wrong. I moved from the cot to the doorway, shoving my hands in my pockets to keep them from reaching out and ripping his hand off her cheek. Bella seemed oblivious to me. Did she not notice I was here or was she ignoring me on purpose? Was she still mad at me? Did she blame me? She was probably mad at me for not being there for her. Maybe I shouldn't have come. Maybe she didn't want to see me. Maybe…

Jacob's voice broke me out of my internal debate letting Bella know I was, in fact, here. She gave him a confused look before turning to face me.

"Hey"

"Hi"

After a moment, she looked back to Jacob in an unspoken request to give us some privacy, which he agreed to.

The door closed behind me, and I wanted to move to her but remained rooted to the spot at the foot of the bed instead. I didn't know what her feelings were towards my being here now.

"How long have you been here?"

"About half an hour or so. I came as soon as I found out. Alice called me."

Bella nodded but remained quiet.

My heart was beating rapidly; threatening to pound its way out of my chest. Was she mad? Did she care? What was going on through her head? I needed to know. I needed to find out, but most importantly I needed to tell her. I just needed her.

"Bella, I'm sorry!" The words burst out of my mouth before I could think and they kept coming to the point of babbling. "I didn't know. I didn't know. I shouldn't have left last night. I was wrong. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. We were fighting and then he called and you took his call, and I just couldn't take it. I get so jealous sometimes of what you two share. I have no right, I know and I'm sorry."

I paced back and forth by the small cot pulling at my hair, not meeting her eyes.

"I came back and I thought you were in the bathroom then I fell asleep on the couch and thought you'd gone to work early. I had no idea. I didn't know. I would have…I would have been there for you if I'd known. Please, know that. I didn't get your messages until a few minutes ago. My phone had died and I left it charging while I went to work. That's why I didn't answer. I wasn't ignoring you, I swear. I would never...I would never."

My hands were shaking now and I was gasping for air. She had to know I would never leave her to handle this alone. If I had known…

"When I got the call from Alice saying you were in the hospital I thought…I thought something had happened to you. I lost it. I couldn't breathe. Bella, I can't lose you. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know."

"It's okay, Edward. I'm okay."

Bella stood in front of me running her right hand up and down my arm while the other traced my cheek. I leaned into her touch feeling immediately comforted. Here we were, in the ICU ward, and she was comforting me when I should have been the one comforting her.

In one swift move, I pulled her to me in a tight embrace, crushing her body to mine. Holding on tight and trying not to suffocate her. She hugged me back and buried her face in my chest. I felt her body relax and her warm breath penetrate through my shirt as she exhaled a sigh of relief.

"I'm sorry," I whispered in her hair.

"It's okay. I'm glad you're here now."

"What happened?"

Bella shook her head, "Not here. Can we go some place else?" she mumbled into my shirt.

"Of course. Have you eaten anything? It's almost one in the afternoon. You should eat."

"Okay."

I turned to move towards the door but her arms tightened around me.

I leaned away from her and bent my knees to get to her eye level, "Hey, what's the matter?"

"Just give me a minute." She took slow deliberate breaths and clutched the back of my shirt while burying her face in my neck. It was as if she were trying to convince herself I was really with her.

Turning my head towards her, I gave her small kisses on her cheek, her eyes, her forehead until she looked up at me with a shy smile. My smile. Pulling back once again, I brought my hands to cup her face before leaning in to place a kiss on her soft, pink lips. Her hands relaxed behind me as she let out a soft contented sigh before bursting into the most beautiful smile I'd seen in days.

Reaching behind me, I entwined her hand with mine and gave it a soft squeeze.

"C'mon. Let me feed you. Then we can talk about what happened."

We walked out the room and stopped by the waiting area to inform our friends that we'd be back after Bella ate something. We walked in silence to the first floor cafeteria with Bella tucked into my side, her small hand in mine, her head leaning into my chest as I wrapped my arm around her shoulder.

I wasn't really hungry and ended up only getting a bottled orange juice. I played with the cap while Bella ate bits of her sandwich and chopped up fruit. She didn't have much of an appetite, but I insisted she should eat something anyway. I cleared my throat preparing to speak, but Bella spoke first.

"It was a car accident." She bit her bottom lip and tucked some stray strands of hair behind her ear before continuing.

"The Police Officer who was at the scene said she ran a red light and almost crashed into another car, but hit a light post when she swerved. She'd been drinking." She let out a humorless laugh.

"She was only two blocks away from our house. I don't know where she was going or where she was coming from. It happened at 1 in the morning. Since I am her only family they contacted me to give me the news." Tears threatened to spill down her cheeks but she wiped them away with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "I knew this would happen someday. It was inevitable. That's why I made sure to put my contact information in her purse, her cell phone, her car. I had always expected a call saying she was passed out in some alley. I never thought she'd drive drunk. She was stupid but not that stupid. She'd never done that before. Then again, I had always been there to hide her keys. I wasn't there this time."

Looking at her face, I realized then that she blamed herself. Bella thought it was her fault her mother had wrapped herself and her car around a light post. I couldn't let her think that. It wasn't right. It wasn't true. Renee had control of her own actions, and it had never been Bella's job to be her guardian.

"She's been unconscious since they brought her in. There was so much blood. So much bleeding. They took her into surgery to stitch up her wounds and try and stop the bleeding. It was… it was..." Tears were now flowing down her face, and her body was shaking. I reached over and pulled her onto my lap while wrapping my arms around her waist hoping to bring her some comfort.

I ran my hand up and down her back for a while as her sobs subsided and she buried her face in the crook of my neck. My shirt was getting wet but I didn't care. If I could take her pain away, I'd do anything, anything she wanted me to. After a few minutes she mumbled something into my neck, and I had to pull her away to make out what it was.

"What was that?"

"You weren't there. I called you and you weren't there."

My throat went dry and the air left my lungs. It was true. I hadn't been there when she got the call. I'd left her alone.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry-"

"I didn't know where you were. I couldn't reach you. I didn't know who else to call. I had just talked to Jake minutes before the police called me so…I called him. Please don't be mad at me. I didn't know who else to call." Bella started biting her lip and lowered her gaze from mine. She wouldn't look at me.

Bella was afraid I'd be mad at her. I was mad, not at her though, at myself. I'd put her in this situation by being irrational and hot-tempered. Esme had always said my temper would bring me trouble but now, it had affected someone else. Someone I loved more than I had ever thought possible. I shuddered at the thought of Bella standing alone in my apartment receiving the call that told her Renee, her mother, had been in a car accident and was in critical condition. Bella was strong, that's true, but she had still needed someone to comfort her at that moment, and I had denied her of that. How must she have felt? What must she have thought when she called me and I didn't reply?

_I'm such a fucking idiot. I can't do this right. I can't make her happy no matter how I promise; I always end up being the asshole everyone claims I am._

"Bella, I'm not mad at you. I admit I wasn't pleased to see him here but under the circumstances, I'm glad. I'm glad you had someone to turn to when you needed him. I'm just sorry it wasn't me. I'm your boyfriend, and I should have been there for you, but I wasn't. I wish I could tell you it won't happen again, but I'm not perfect. What I can tell you is that I'll try harder. I will try harder to be the guy you need, the guy you deserve. I want to be that guy for you Bella. You can count on me. I won't let you down again."

"You didn't let me down, Edward. There's no way you could have known this would happen. You're here now, that's all that matters. You are that guy for me, Edward. You have to know that. You are that guy. I wouldn't be with you if I didn't believe you were good for me. People have said things, told me things, about you but I don't see what they see. Whatever you did before we met, whoever you were, you're not that guy. The Edward I fell in love with is caring, and sweet. He's cranky and hot-headed sometimes, but you always come back to me. That's why I love you: you've never betrayed my trust in you. I'm with you because of who you are. I'd never want you to change for me."

Bella looked into my eyes and I was lost. Lost in a sea of chocolate brown that held nothing but love and understanding. Lost in a look that told me she meant every word she said. Lost in her forgiveness and hope. Hope of the man she saw in me, the man I strived to be for her.

"You believe me, don't you?" She cocked her head to one side and bit her bottom lip.

"I do." I nuzzled her nose with mine and took a deep steadying breath, "I'm still going to work on my temper though, for you. You deserve better."

"I don't want better. I want you. Your temper is a part of who you are." Her fingers traced lazy circles at the nape of my neck, and I struggled with the urge to crush my lips to hers.

"Are you sure you want dark angry Edward to stay?" I asked, giving her my panty melting crooked smile.

"Well, maybe not dark Edward, but angry Edward is a pretty good kisser. I wouldn't mind having him around." She blushed and chewed on her lip.

"Stop doing that, it's very distracting."

What?" She batted her eyelashes and bit down harder on her already red lips. "This?"

I groaned. "Maybe we should go check on your mom, Bella. I don't think this is the appropriate place to do what I want to do to you."

"I hear the supply closets are big."

I gave her a look that showed how odd I thought that comment was before putting her legs on the floor to stand up. She frowned and stood adjusting her sweatshirt before wiping away at her face for any remaining dry tears.

I threw the trash away and took her hand in mine, intertwining our fingers together. Bella tried to pull away, her flirty mood evaporated. I had unintentionally hurt her feelings and I could tell she was feeling the sting of rejection. I squeezed her hand and gave her a smile, which she returned, but it didn't reach her eyes. I had recently learned Bella used physical interaction as a means of distracting herself from painful situations. I wasn't sure why, but no matter how much I wanted her at this moment, it wasn't the right place to start groping and kissing her.

We entered the elevator in silence and I pulled her to me once the door closed. Hugging her from behind, I bent my head to trace the spot behind her ear that made her shiver, all the while gripping her hips in my hands. "Isabella Swan, right at this moment I want to do nothing more than push you up against this wall and ravage you with kisses, but I don't think the hospital staff would approve," I whispered in her ear, "So what we are going to do is go check on your mom and find out how her recovery is going. Okay?" She was taking slow shallow breaths and nodded her understanding before turning her head to look up at me.

I gave her a slow seductive smile, making her cheeks blossom into a deep shade of pink. She bit her lip and gave me her smile, the one that tugged at my heart and made me go weak at the knees. I leaned in to brush my lips to hers in a chaste kiss before the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened for us.

"Don't ever doubt that I want you, Bella, because I do," I whispered against her lips and pulled away to walk out to the ICU ward.

Alice rushed over to us then. "Bella, Dr. Peterson was in looking for you earlier. Your test results are in."

"Test results? What test results?" I thought she said she was fine. Why would Bella need tests done?


	7. Chapter 7  Robot Boy

**Hello hello! SO as promised, here's the next chapter. I want to thank my beta c. anna cullen for her help in correcting all my comma mistakes. I swear she's a saint cause she doesn't yell at me for having to write comma 100 times. Please, please review. I'll try to have the next chapter by March or earlier, depends on feedback ;) Thank you to those of you who reviewed so far and those who put me in your Favorite author/story alerts! **

**Not sure if anyone listens to the songs I suggest but it helps me write and get in the zone. I find the music and lyrics help my brain going for what I'm trying to get across so I hope you get a chance to listen to them, if you want. :) **

**Today's song can be found on www(dot)youtube(com)/watch?v=uSH9Aah813U&feature=youtube_gdata_player **

**Piano version is at www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v+w45xh9Elfk&feature+youtube_gdata_player, make sure to press play on the piano version when you read "three months later..."**

_You say the weight of the world _  
_Has kept you from letting go _  
_And you think compassion's a flaw _  
_And you'll never let it show _  
_And you're sure you've hurt in a way _  
_That no one will ever know _  
_But someday the weight of the world _  
_Will give you the strength to go _  
**  
**_Robot Boy- Linkin Park, A Thousand Suns album_

**EPOV**

"Renee needs a liver and kidney transplant. I had Dr. Peterson see if I was compatible to donate one of my kidneys to her."

"You can't be serious, Bella!" I exclaimed. That woman had been nothing but cruel to Bella and she wanted to donate a kidney to her? What was she thinking?

"Edward, she's my mother. I'm not going to let her die just because she hit me a few times. What kind of horrible person would that make me?"

"Bella, be reasonable-"

"You can either support me on this or not, Edward, but I'm going through with it. If I'm a match, I'm going through with it, and you can't stop me."

A man, whom I presumed to be Dr. Peterson, came up to us then. "Bella, I have the results in. As you know, we haven't found a match for a liver transplant, and like I said yesterday, the chances of your mother receiving it are slim to none. With her history of alcoholism, there is a strong possibility she will be denied. The hospital board doesn't think a person with her history and disregard of her own body should be given a healthy liver just to destroy it. Before I give you your test results I'd like to reiterate what I said yesterday. I don't think a person as young and healthy as you should put her own life and health in danger for someone that may not come out of the coma. Even if she did, without a liver transplant her odds of survival are minimal. She might not live more than a month."

I stood and watch Bella take in the information, horrified that she would go so far in trying to help a woman that didn't deserve her love and kindness. I couldn't let her go through with it.

"I understand, Doctor. I haven't changed my mind since last night. If I can help her live at least one more month, then I'll be okay with that. I can't just stand by and do nothing, knowing that I could have helped make her life easier."

"Bella, please-"

"Edward, if you're going to be here for me then _be here_ for me. Otherwise-"

"Otherwise what?" I snapped. My eyes dilated in fear and anger. I swallowed the lump in my throat and hoped she wasn't about to say what I thought she was.

"Maybe you should leave," she whispered.

I snapped my mouth shut and bit back the bitter reply that bubbled to my lips. I had promised her mere minutes ago that I'd try. I didn't agree with her decision, but I had to respect it and support her if I wanted our relationship to have any sort of future. I wanted it to.

I closed my eyes for a moment and let out a gust of air through my nose. I opened them to find Bella looking intently at me, and I nodded to her. She furrowed her eyebrows before letting her face fall. The sadness the flashed through her eyes was quickly replaced with disappointment. She thought I was going to leave her again.

"Dr. Peterson, can you give us a minute?"

I pulled Bella by her elbow until we stood at the waiting room entrance.

"Edward, what? If you're going to leave then leave. I understand if you don't want to be here. I can have Jake wait it out with me. You don't have to hang around if it makes you uncomfortable. I know it doesn't make sense to you, but it makes sense to me. I can't just let her lie there and die. I have to do something."

She looked up from the floor but wouldn't meet my eyes. I could still see that shadow of disappointment and fear. I felt the need to show her I wasn't that guy anymore. I wasn't the guy who bailed when things got tough, but I wasn't going to just stand by and let her make one of the biggest mistakes of her life.

"Bella, I'm not leaving. I'm going to stay here and keep you company for the remainder of the day, and then we are both going home so you can get some proper rest. I don't agree with your decision to donate your kidney to your mother, but I won't leave you to deal with it alone. Yes, Jacob is here, I get that, but it's my job to be here for you."

"Your job? It's not your _job_ to do anything, Edward. I'm capable of taking care of myself. I'm a big girl," she huffed in annoyance.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. I'm your boyfriend. I'm going to be here for you, no matter what. If you want to go ahead with this, then do it, you _are_ a big girl, I'm sure you've weighed the consequences properly. I don't understand your reasoning or support it 100%, but I will be here for you no matter what. Count on that, Bella."

Bella tilted her head to the side while she thought over my words. After a few seconds, she nodded and turned to walk back to Dr. Peterson. Before she could go more than a step, I pulled her arm causing her to turn towards me again. She gave me an odd look before I pulled her into a tight hug and pecked her lips softly.

Pressing my forehead to hers, I looked deep into her chocolate brown eyes and whispered an "I love you". A soft pink spread through her cheeks down to her collar as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and smiled.

"Never forget that."

Sometimes I found it disconcerting how low her self-esteem was. I could see it in her eyes; she was skeptical of why I loved her, or even that I loved her.

I gave her one last squeeze before entwining our hands together and walking back to where Dr. Peterson stood waiting.

~oOo~

_6 months earlier…_

We were sitting on my living room couch, flipping through channels on the television. Bella's mom was God knows where, so I didn't have to worry about getting her home any time soon. Nights like these were rare for us. She was usually rushing home to finish up her schoolwork and make dinner for her and Renee. Since it was her last semester as a senior, Bella was slammed with tests and projects in all her classes. It didn't help that most of them were advanced placement classes, which meant she spent most of her time reading at the library or typing on her laptop. Between her studying for her SAT's and her upcoming AP exams, we hardly got to spend more than a few hours together every week.

Tonight was an exception; it was a Friday night, no pending deadlines and no work for another week. The bookstore she worked at was getting renovated, so she'd been free for a week now. It was heaven. Spending time with her, no matter in what capacity it may be was always they highlight of my day. Who would have guessed that Edward Cullen would be whipped by a 17-year-old girl? _Not me, that's for sure._

I lightly ran my fingers up and down the length of her arm. She was tucked in to my side, her head leaning lazily on my chest, our feet stretched out in front of us.

"Ohh, what's that show about?"

I glanced on the screen watching some teenagers having some party at the beach. "Umm, 90210, I think. The remake."

"Remake?"

"Yeah, there was an original version back in the early 90s. I never saw it because I was too young for that kind of thing, but Carlisle saw it once or twice."

"How do you know?"

I chuckled. "Dad had a massive crush on one of the actresses. We bumped into her once, at the airport. We were coming back from one of our many family trips, this one was from NYC I think. Anyway, it was two or three years back, we were standing at the baggage claim in LAX when this blonde woman brushed by us."

I laughed out loud remembering the expression in Carlisle's face. Bella sat up to look at me and grinned.

"What happened?"

"I have to admit, she was good looking. Well, Carlisle just stared. I think his jaw dropped a little, and his eyes bugged out. Mom looked from him to the actress and just shook her head. Dad was so dumbstruck, he didn't even say hello or anything. It was Mom who tapped the woman on the shoulder and asked if Carlisle could get a picture. I think he secretly carries it in his wallet to this day." I shook my head laughing.

"Who? I wanna see. Show me who?" Bella bounced excitedly on the couch.

I pulled out my phone, Googled the actress and showed it to Bella.

"Oh! She's pretty. Your dad has a thing for Jennie Garth?" She giggled looking at me and back at the screen.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh nothing," she shook her head and laughed, "I was just wondering if I would have ended up dating some gorgeous blonde babe if your dad had ran off with her." Bella burst into laughter, tears rolling down her face, collapsing back onto the couch. She clutched at her stomach, trying to catch her breath, and I pounced.

"Isabella, are you replacing me with an imaginary Jennie-Carlisle kid?"

She shook her head no but couldn't control her laughter.

"Hmm, you're going to have to be punished."

I started tickling her sides mercilessly. She squirmed underneath me and tried to push me off. She started bucking her hips against mine causing me to let out a groan. I 'm sure it wasn't her intention, but my body reacted to her rubbing up against my crotch. I gripped her hips with my hands and descended upon her neck. I was licking and nipping at her soft skin, eliciting soft giggles that transformed into moans of pleasure. Her hands that had been pushing at my chest suddenly started gripping my shirt, pulling me closer to her. One of her hands slid up to my hair pulling on it roughly. I stopped my nibbling to look up to her, afraid I was going too far, but her hand only pushed my face back down to her neck. Bella was enjoying my attentions.

We'd been going out for six months now, three if you took the one week break into consideration. We still never did anything more than making out on my couch, so this was a big step forward for me, for us. I know what you're thinking: Edward Cullen has been with the same girl for 6 months now and hasn't nailed her yet? I know, shocker! I have an explanation though. I had wanted to sleep with Bella since the first moment I saw her outside that library, but after all the effort it took me to finally get a date with her, I realized it was going to be a slow climb. Don't get me wrong; she was worth the struggle, worth the effort. I knew that now. Three months ago, that's another story. Three months ago, we'd had our first big fight. I had asked her to be my girlfriend just days before and ended up fucking things up royally. More than she knows.

See, I thought we'd broken up; she thought we were on a break. Well, being the asshole I am, I started fooling around to get back at her. She'd gotten under my skin, and I wanted her out, so I had the brilliant idea to expunge her from my mind by being with other girls. I cheated on Isabella Swan. I am an asshole. The moment after it happened, I knew I was screwed, no pun intended. I thought it would be the most fantastic feeling to finally have sex with some random girl after my three-month drought, but I was sorely mistaken. The second it was over, I wanted to take it back. I wanted Bella back. I swallowed my pride and dragged my sorry ass to Bella's house ready to grovel and plead my case. To my surprise, she took me back without questions. Saying she'd missed me during our break. I asked her to be my girlfriend, and Bella said yes, for the second time. I felt like a heel.

During the week we were "on a break," she didn't see anyone else. She said it felt like she was cheating on me. She had no idea I had actually cheated on her. I'd slept with another girl, one of my surfing students. I was too much of a coward to tell her. I couldn't crush her like that. I was selfish. I couldn't have her look at me with disgust in her eyes. I would only confirm everything she'd been told about me. I wanted to tell her, but knew I'd lose her if I did so I kept it to myself, comforted with the knowledge that Bella would never run into that girl and never find out what I'd done.

Now, three months later here I was on my living room couch, making out with Bella. I'd taken it slow since that day we got back together, trying not to push too far, too fast. Bella was innocent, that much I knew. She was still a virgin so I had to take my time with her, wait until she was ready. Her first time had to be special. I was determined to make it special; she deserved that after what I'd done.

I licked her down the length of her collarbone. Below her chin, taking soft nibbles in between. I licked and sucked at her tender flesh, slowly moving down to the hollow of her throat. Bella was panting and moaning below me, one hand clutching my hair while the other grabbed at my shoulder, pulling me to her. I roamed my hands up and down her sides, tracing her ribs through her shirt. Her body reacted to my touch, and her breathing became ragged when I dipped my tongue below the collar of her blouse, tasting the soft flesh above her breasts. My hand gripped her hips while the other started its ascent to the hem of her blouse. I moved the material up, inch by inch, until I touched the creamy soft flesh beneath. Bella let out a whimper when my fingers came in contact with her skin as I traced small lazy circles along her hipbone.

I continued my exploration on her skin and decided to try something different. I moved my mouth back to hers and was surprised at the force in which she returned my kiss. We were both breathing heavy as our mouths moved in unison. Lips kissing lips, both of us taking and receiving. I sucked on her bottom lip, knowing it drove her wild, and she tugged at mine in return. I darted my tongue out to taste her lips and was rewarded by another moan and whimper. I was lying fully on top of her now with my hand trapped between our bodies as I lightly traced the planes of her stomach. Our bodies where lined up perfectly, me in between her legs, as we kissed each other tenderly. Without warning, Bella brought her tongue to meet mine, and suddenly we were exploring each other's mouths. She was tentative at first, touching her tongue to mine, tasting my lips, tasting me. Our tongues began a slow sensual dance while our hands touched each other reverently. Her arm running up and down my back, my hand inching its way up her skin. Bella started rubbing one of her legs up and down the side of mine, and I started to rub myself against her center. The friction caused me to groan like a school boy.

I broke our kiss to bring my mouth back to her neck. I started to suck and lick once again, moving lower until I reached the collar of her shirt. I nudged it aside with my nose to expose the top of her creamy white flesh. I dipped my tongue in and out fast, causing her to whimper loudly and mumble incoherently. I was glad to be the only one who'd ever seen her this way. I was her first. I nuzzled her soft cleavage with my nose while my mouth sucked and licked at her flesh. Bella was groaning and thrusting her hips in rhythm with mine now. I used my free hand to grip her thigh and hitched it along my hip. Bella let out a gasp as her warm pussy came into contact with my erection through our jeans, but she continued to writhe underneath me. That's when I heard it; the thump thump thump coming from somewhere above me. It got louder and louder until Bella's eyes flew open and her mouth dropped open in shock. She threw her arms over her chest and pushed me off of her giving herself enough room to get up and run into the bathroom.

Stupid pizza delivery.

I paid the kid who took one look at me and apologized for the inconvenience. I glared at him and shut the door behind him. Cockblocker.

Bella emerged from the bathroom and sat on the opposite end of the couch from me. We ate in silence, Bella with a deep blush in her cheeks every time she snuck a peek at me. That's when I knew I loved her. I wanted to be with her. It didn't bother me that we weren't sleeping together or even fondling each other on the couch. I was content sitting with her eating pizza and watching TV. I was happy I got to hold her hand as we walked down the street or kiss her lips chastely when I dropped her off at home. I never thought it would happen but I, Edward Cullen, had fallen head over heels for Bella Swan. My heart belonged to her, and I would make sure I was worthy of her.

Later that night when I dropped her off at home, I got out of the car and pulled her to lean on me against the side of it. She rested her head against my chest while we hugged, giving a contented sigh. Looking up into my eyes, she kissed me softly and I returned the kiss cupping her face in my hands, digging my fingers into her hair. I pulled away to look deep into her chocolate eyes that were shining with happiness, and I told her.

"I love you, Isabella Swan. I'm so in love with you."

She gasped and looked almost sad as she smiled at me.

"It's nice of you to say, Edward, but you don't have to. I know you don't mean it, and I'm okay with that. I know Edward Cullen doesn't fall in love."

She kissed me once more, but I was numb. She thought I didn't mean it?

I pulled away from her and I could see the uncertainty in her eyes. She thought I was pushing her away.

"Bella, look at me."

She met my eyes and chewed on her lip distractedly.

"I love you, Bella."

She shook her head before responding.

"I know you care about me, Edward, but you don't have to pretend for me. I'll take what I can get from you. I know there are girls lining up for their turn after you're done with me, and I understand. I'm just happy having this time with you right now." She smiled and started to run her hand through my hair.

I stilled her hand and leaned into her palm before pulling her to me forcefully.

"Isabella Swan, I'm in love with you. I don't know how long I've loved you, but I love you. I never expected it to happen, I know it's not the most romantic thing to say, but you snuck up on me, little girl. You're part of me now. You're in my thoughts every day from morning to night. I want to be with you every second of the day. I dream about you when I go to sleep. I hate having to bring you here every night. I love you and I want to be with you. Not just sexually. I can wait until you're ready for that, I don't mind, it doesn't matter. If I have to wait 10 years, I will, for you. There's no one else for me. You've ruined me. I can't think of being with anyone else but you. I don't want anyone else but you. I love your smile. I love your laugh. I love the cute way you snort when you can't stop laughing. I love the way you leave your scent behind you as a reminder that you were in my apartment with me. I love how you bite your lip when you're nervous. I love how protective you are of your friends." I softened my tone now, "I love the way you take care of others without thinking of yourself. I love the way you wrinkle your brow when you're concentrating. I love the way you pout when you don't agree with me. I love everything about you, Bella. Please, believe that."

I took her face in my hands and placed soft kisses on every inch of skin there. On her eyes, her nose, her cheeks and her chin. Every kiss was punctuated with an "I love you," because I don't think she'd heard it enough in her life and she deserved to know she was worthy of being loved. I would take as long as it took to convince her of that.

I kissed her soft lips that were salty from the tears that had spilled down her cheeks and whispered, "I love you" into her mouth. She ran her hands through the hair at the nape of my neck and whispered it back to me almost inaudibly, "I love you, Edward Cullen. So much."

We stood like that for a while, her leaning on me as I leaned against my car. We stood in front of her house kissing and telling each other that we loved one another under the full moon.

~oOo~

"Are you sure?" I heard myself asking. I turned to look at Bella to see she was calm, too calm.

"Are you sure the results are correct?" I asked again.

"Yes, we are very careful with these kind of tests. We can't run the risk of the host rejecting the new organ or having the donor go through a procedure unnecessarily." Dr. Peterson explained.

"Can you check again? Just to make sure?" Bella still stood silent at my side. I wanted to know what she was thinking. Hell, I wanted to know what _I_ was thinking urging the doctor to check the results again.

"I'm not a match."

"No, Miss Swan. I'm afraid you're not."

"How is that possible? She's her flesh and blood!" I said exasperated.

"That doesn't always guarantee a match. They don't have the same blood type so trying to do a transplant would not only be pointless but lethal. Like I stated before, Miss Swan, your mother doesn't have a strong chance of survival. There is a great possibility that she will not be with us much longer."

"I understand, Dr. Peterson. Thank you." Bella moved towards the waiting room in a trance, and I nodded at the Doctor as he was leaving.

I was torn between feeling relief that Bella was not going to have to put herself through that and sadness at the loss she would be experiencing soon. We didn't know how long Renee would be alive in her comatose state or if Bella would get the chance to say goodbye.

_Damn you, Renee. You'll be making Bella suffer long after you're gone._

It wasn't fair to Bella. She didn't deserve this. Why couldn't fate just let her be happy? The moment she had walked away from the cause of her pain and suffering she'd been dragged back to it.

I reached Bella's side at the waiting room entrance as she collapsed to the floor, letting out a strangled cry.

* * *

**A/N** Just to make sure everything is clear. If you recall I stated E/B said their ILY 6 months prior. Right now it's September (Bella's b-day just passed). Flashback takes place in March, their 'break' was in December. Hope that helps and I can't wait to read your reviews!


	8. Chapter 8  Somewhere I Belong

**A/N I want to thank my pre reader Pyejammies for helping me out with this chapter. Also thanks to all of those who are reading this story. I kow there are many who read but don't review and I really appreciate that. Huge welcome and thank you to my new readers and those who have put me in their alerts! :) I have a few more notes at the end of the chapter so make sure to read em! Last week I saw the band that inspired this fic in concert. Blew my mind, once I have video up I'll link you to some upcoming songs ;) Onward and upward! **

**Watch/listen to this weeks song at www . youtube . com/watch?v=iCtpuQvydk&feature=youtube_gdata_player**

**Instrumental version at www . youtube . com/watch?v=RspClditOdY&feature=youtube_gdata_player**

**SM owns Twilight. I just play with Surfward and his friends.**

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_I will never know_  
_Myself until I do this on my own_  
_And I will never feel_  
_Anything else until my wounds are healed_

_I will never be_  
_Anything till I break away from me_  
_I will break away_  
_I'll find myself today_

_I wanna heal, I wanna feel_  
_What I thought was never real_  
_I wanna let go of the pain_  
_I've felt so long_  
_(Erase all the pain till it's gone)_

_I wanna heal, I wanna feel_  
_Like I'm close to something real_  
_I wanna find something I've wanted all along_  
_Somewhere I belong_

_Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park, Meteora_

Edward reached Bella as she slumped to the floor. Her sobs could be heard down the empty corridors of the otherwise quiet hospital. He picked her up in his arms and carried her to a nearby chair, placing her on his lap and letting her cry. There was nothing he could say to make things better so he did the only thing he could. He held her in his arms and stroked her hair until her sobs subsided and she was limp from the emotional exhaustion.

Her friends hovered around the couple, uncertain of what to do or say. Alice would occasionally run her hand through Bella's hair or squeeze Edward's shoulder in silent reassurance and support. Rose sat next to them, staring at her best friend, pain evident in her face at not being able to do anything to comfort her. She had seen Bella go through hell and back during the years they'd been friends. Bella had always pulled through and been strong, shrugging off the cruel words and physical abuse at the hands of her mother. Now, she realized with sadness that Bella was still under Renee's control, even when she hadn't spoken one word or laid a hand on her.

Rose knew better than anyone that Bella would not recover from this easily. When the time came and Renee passed away, Bella would be left behind to pick up the pieces of her life. She knew in her heart that, even though it was no one's fault but Renee's, Bella would blame herself for her death. She had always been the responsible, mature adult while her mother had been careless. Bella had learned to take care of herself at the young age of thirteen when her parents divorced due to Renee's extracurricular habits. Charlie hadn't taken their daughter with him; he'd left her behind like a discarded toy. He'd left her in the hands of a woman who could barely take care of herself, let a lone a young teenage girl.

As time passed, she'd learned how to disguise herself so as not to get hurt. It was bad enough the town knew her mother was an alcoholic that spent most of her time in a drunken stupor or stoned out of her mind. Bella had to act like it didn't matter, pretend that all the whispers at school and the laughs behind her back didn't hurt. She had to act like she didn't see the pity in people's eyes during the frequent occasions when she had to walk through the grocery store with a drunken Renee in tow. Those times where the worst, the times when the lady at the checkout counter would look at the bottles of hard liquor, the loaf of bread, milk carton and pack of cigarettes with sad eyes directed at Bella. Some of those times Bella would walk out with an invitation to dinner from one of the many people that knew her. It was a small town after all, and everyone in her block knew her life story, every student in her class knew about "poor Bella and her drunk mother."

Bella always refused the invitations saying that she was fine, her fridge was stocked at home and they were just picking up a few things. She refused to take anyone's pity or hand me downs. She was not "poor Bella." The poor girl that was abandoned by her father because her mother drove him away was no more. Bella had learned that not everyone who claims to want to help means good. Sometimes, people like to see you down and laugh at you before kicking you in the face. That had been the summer before her freshmen year in high school, the summer she met Rosalie Hale.

~oOo~

The group of girls sat outside the popular ice ream parlor. It was the first day of summer; school was out and the excitement of the year to come was palpable. They were going to be in high school No longer kids, they were going to be mature teenagers. Big school, big dreams. Most of the girls had known each other since elementary but as time passed, cliques formed and once childhood friends were traded in for friends with higher rank or power. Some girls stuck with their friends, while others, like Lauren Malloy, traded in for newer bands.

Being the new kid on the block, even after 3 years, Bella was taken in by the uncool kids crowd. Angela was the first to welcome her and show her the ropes around school and the popular hang out spots. The small town they lived in didn't accommodate for different locations between the cool and uncool groups. Instead, there was an unspoken agreement that as long as the "unwanted" didn't cross over to the "elite," there would be no problems. Bella knew not to try and befriend the social elite that constituted Lauren's group, which is why the invitation held out to her that warm summer morning came to her by surprise.

The group of girls was joking around and laughing. It was nothing out of the ordinary. Bella was on her way to meet Angla and a few other girls at the pier, which is why she was walking by just as Lauren was raving about the pool party she was having at her house the next day.

"Hey, Bella!"

"Umm, hey, Lauren."

"Listen, my parents are letting me have a pool party tomorrow. They think it'd be a good idea to interact with some of the kids I'll be going to school with next year."

Bella opened her mouth to speak but Lauren didn't notice and continued.

"Anyway, you wanna come? I know we don't really hang out with the same group of friends or anything, but you seem pretty cool. You're welcome to come if you want."

Lauren gave Bella a smile.

"Umm, okay. Sure, I guess."

"Cool! Everyone's bringing snacks. I know your mom doesn't have a lot of money so don't worry about bringing anything."

"Oh, no, it's not like that. I can bring something."

"Oh, okay then. Why don't you bring some drinks," Laruen flashed her friends a brief smile, "we'll have some there already but can always go for more. You know how the boys can be. It's going to be so much fun! Well, see you later!" She gave Bella a wave and bounced back to her friends.

Bella hung out with her friends for most of the day before making the trek back home. She had to see what Renee had been up to, if she had even bothered to get out of her room. She was in a good mood until she got home and noticed the mess in the living room. Renee had been up but only long enough to break some empty glass bottles against the wall. She wandered over to the kitchen and inspected the work that lay ahead of her.

After cleaning up the glass that littered the floor in various rooms throughout the house, Bella grabbed the list she'd made earlier in the day and went grocery shopping. The only good thing Charlie had done for her was provide her with a means of survival. Granted, he probably didn't think his daughter would use her savings as food and clothes money. He'd opened up an account for her at the age of 10 and started putting $50 dollars in for her every month. Now, Bella withdrew some of the money on a weekly basis to pay for food on the occasions Renee was too drunk to remember there was nothing to eat at home. Maybe she could survive on alcohol, but her daughter could not.

As she made her way through the aisles, Bella couldn't stop Angela's words of warning from repeating in her head. "_Lauren was not to be trusted. She was up to no good_." Bella didn't think anything could go wrong. After all, Lauren's parents were going to be there and they had probably been the ones who told her to invite her. Lauren was just trying to please her parents, nothing more. Bella wasn't a threat so there was no reason to be on Lauren's list. Bella would soon discover Lauren didn't need a reason to do the things she did.

Sunday morning brought the prospect of a new beginning for Bella. For years she'd been part of the group of outcasts in her middle school and with this new development, things were looking bright for her high school experience. At noon she quickly got dressed in a pair of tan shorts and white tank, forgoing a bathing suit since she didn't plan on actually getting in the pool. She lathered herself with sun block and grabbed the bag full of sodas off the kitchen counter before walking the few blocks to Laurens house.

The party was in full swing when she arrived and walked in through the open front door. Everyone was out back either swimming in the pool or laying around on the lawn chairs. Music was playing in the background, some girl was droning on about her baby hitting her one more time. Bella walked out with her bags in hand and spotted Lauren at the end of the pool chatting wither usual crowd of friends and another girl she'd never seen before. Her parents were nowhere in sight. As Bella approached them, she could make out their conversation and overheard one of the girls questioning why she had even been invited. Lauren only replied that "Bella was bringing the drinks, that's why," before turning and greeting the brow eyed girl with a smile.

"Bella! Glad you could make it!"

"Hey, Lauren. Where are your parents? I thought they were going to be here."

"They aren't here, the figured that since it was daytime and we're just going to be hanging out here they didn't need to watch over us." Some of her friends snickered and she shot them a dirty look.

"Oh, well, I brought some drinks like you asked. Where should I put them?"

"Here, I'll take them." Lauren exchanged looks with the girl Bella didn't recognize and walked towards the kitchen.

Upon opening the bag, Lauren's friendly demeanor changed. "Bella, did you bring anything else besides sodas?"

"Umm, no, was I supposed to?" Bella tried to recall the conversation they'd had the day before but could not remember Lauren mentioning anything else besides drinks.

"Yes, Isabella." Lauren said in a condescending tone. "You were supposed to bring the _drinks_," she emphasized.

Understanding dawned on Bella. Drinks. Lauren had wanted her to bring alcohol.

"You mean alcohol? Like beer and stuff?"

"Yes, Isabella." Lauren's smile was forced.

"Aren't we kind of young to be drinking? I mean, your parents would find out."

"I told you not to invite her Lauren," the unknown girl chirped.

"Shut up, Heidi. How was I supposed to know she'd be too stupid to understand that the only reason I asked her to come was to bring us liquor?"

Bella felt her cheeks warm and tears begin to pool in her eyes but she willed them back, not wanting to let these girls see her cry. Just then a tall bond girl approached the trio.

"Everything okay here?" she asked Lauren.

"Yeah, everything's fine, we were just showing Bella where to put her drinks."

"Okay, well, now that it's done, why don't you show your guest to were the actual party is at Lauren?"

Lauren looked livid but put on her fake smile and motioned for Bella to follow her towards where the rest of the group was horsing around.

"You can change in the restroom right through that door." She pointed in the direction of the house.

"Oh, umm, I didn't bring a bathing suit."

"Oh!" Lauren eyed her cousin Heidi before continuing, "Doesn't matter, you don't have to get in the pool. Food's over there and you can just grab a seat anywhere you want."

Time passed without incident. Bella spent most of it texting Angela and Jacob, telling them about the party and how uneventful it really was. She was so engrossed on her phone that she didn't notice the group of girls starting to surround her, Lauren in the lead.

"So, Isabella," Bella hated being called that. It was what her mother called her when she was in the middle of a hate filled rant. She preferred going by Bella, and Lauren knew this well.

"I was just filling in my cousin, Heidi, on your family life style. Such a shame your dad moved on to better things. We were all wondering why you didn't go with him when he left. I mean, he did offer, right?"

Bella was in shock, no one around town that knew her ever mentioned her father. It was a taboo subject. She had no idea how Lauren even knew of the circumstances that led to his departure, let alone that he'd never asked Bella to go with him.

"Such a pity, really. I mean, who wants to live with a drunken mother? Isn't it embarrassing having to clean up after her and always having to pick her up off the floor? I can't even remember the number of times mom has talked about seeing drunk Renee crawling out of her car to your door in the mornings? You think she's coming back from her drug dealer friends? Or just coming back from a really bad fuck?"

The girls around her laughed and Bella tried to fight back the tears threatening to spill over.

"Such a shame, Isabella. We could have been friends. No, not really. I mean, I only asked you here for one reason and you couldn't even do that? Should have known that someone being raised by the town whore wouldn't be all that smart."

At this, Bella got up and pushed her way through the group that had surrounded her like vultures trying to make her escape. She was almost free before she felt a hard shove from behind, throwing her face first into the crowded swimming pool. Once she was able to resurface she made her way to the edge of the pool and tried to pull herself out as murmurs and chatter began buzzing in her ears. That's when she remembered she didn't have a swimsuit on and her soaked white tank was clinging to her body revealing her small breasts. Her simple white bra did little to protect her from the many pairs of eyes that were zoned in on her and her face flushed in shame.

"Oh, Isabella, how clumsy of me. I forgot you didn't bring a swimsuit." Heidi said in mock apology. "Ooops."

The group of girls began to laugh at her, but stopped as the tall blonde from earlier stepped out into the pool area.

"What's with all the noise? What's so funny?"

"Nothing, Rose. Bella just fell into the pool She's kind of clumsy like that," replied Lauren.

"Not true," a male voice came from besides Rose, "Heidi shoved her in on purpose."

Lauren glared at Mike, who just stared back at her in defiance.

"Is that so? Hmm, well, then I'm afraid party is over kids. Off you go. Back to your mommies and daddies." Rose walked towards the radio and turned it off.

"Rose, mom said we could stay out here as long as we wanted," objected Lauren.

"True, but your mom's not here and she gave me authority to pull the plug if things got out of hand. Babysitting a bunch of 14 year olds isn't my idea of fun so party's over. Call your rides and get on home children."

"We're not babies, Rosalie."

Rose turned and glared at Lauren. "You're right, you're not babies. You're spoiled infants who have nothing better to do but torment a nice girl like Bella. What did she do to you? Comment on your bad tan or point out those pimples popping out on your flatchested body?"

Rose moved to Bella and wrapped her in a towel before walking her into the house. "I'm getting her some dry clothes and when I come back you'd better have things cleaned up Lauren. That goes for you too Heidi."

Rose took Bella up the stairs and led her into a nearby room. She riffled through some drawers and handed the sopping wet girl a dry shirt and some shorts. She made an odd noise at one point before shoving a plastic bag into her shorts pocket. Bella ducked into the restroom where she changed out of her wet clothes and wrung them out on the sink before putting them into the small messenger bag Mike had handed to her before Rose walked her indoors.

When they ascended the stairs Heidi looked like she was about to throw a fit and was shooting daggers at Bella and Rose. Apparently, Bella was wearing her favorite shirt, which had handprints of her favorite boy band on the front along with monograms of their autographs.

"That's. My. Shirt."

"Oh, really?" Rose looked at her before mimicking her earlier reply. "Ooops."

"I'm taking the girl home, you'd better have the mess cleaned up outside when I get back in 10 minutes."

"Mom's not going to be happy when I tell her what you did Rosalie," Lauren threatened.

"Oh, I'm sure she'll be okay with it. She'll understand. Especially after I show her what I found in your dresser drawer, Lauren. I think you're too young to be playing with this little girl."

She pulled out the plastic bag from her shorts and waved it in front of the teenagers. Horror and shock showed on their faces as the baggie of weed they had spent their birthday money on was dangled before their eyes.

"I'll just tell mom it's yours. She'll believe me and never let you in our house again."

Rose leveled her gaze at the two girls before smirking.

"Look at my face. Does it look like I give a fuck?"

With that, she walked out the door with Bella in tow. The short ride home was silent as Bella looked out the window and thought over the events that had transpired. She should have listened to the warnings of her friends who told her Lauren was up to no good, but her kind spirit chose to believe there was good in everyone. She had hoped…but it had been a mistake.

As they pulled up to her driveway, Bella was puzzled at how this girl knew where she lived and was about to ask but thought better of it. She looked towards her house where she could see Renee through the living room widow throwing things around. Her body sagged in defeat and she exhaled a shaky breath before opening the car door.

"Hey, Bella."

Bella was startled but turned to face Rose. "Yeah?"

"Don't sweat it, girls like that are too stupid to know their little antics won't get them anywhere. Sure they're popular in school, but eventually they have to go out into the real world where there are bigger and meaner people than them. They'll get what's coming to them eventually."

"Umm, thanks." She fidgeted awkwardly.

"Besides, school will be here before you know it and it'll be a whole different ball game," she grinned.

Bella groaned at the reminder of having to deal with Lauren and her clan of drones for four more years. High school was going to suck.

"Hey," Rose winked, "Don't sweat it, Bella. I'm Rosalie Hale and I'm your guardian angel." She extended a friendly had to the surprised 14 year old.

"You probably don't know this, but I'll be a junior next year. Lauren and her little posse of misfits may have run things in middle school but in high school, I'm queen bee. If she messes with you she'll have to deal with the upperclassmen raining down their rage on her."

Her smile was wide and friendly but Bella hesitated, she'd been fooled once already, could she trust this beautiful blonde Amazon extending her friendship to a dowdy girl like herself?

"Why?" She whispered, "No offense, but I don't want your pity."

Rose barked out a laugh and shook her head.

"There's something about you kid. And I mean that in the best way possible. I've seen you around town and I know the gossip flying around about your mom. You're stronger than you think, Bella. You don't see yourself clearly. You just need a little help bringing out your inner bitch and I'm the one for the job. Trust me when I say, freshmen year will be life changing for you. Leave it to me, Bella, you'll see."

Rose gave her a wink before driving off and leaving Bella gaping after her. She kept those words saved in her mind.

_I'm Rosalie Hale and I'm your guardian angel._

~oOo~

The day wore on and Edward was eventually able to convince Bella to leave the hospital for the night. She needed to get some sleep and that would be close to impossible in the hospital. There was nothing that could be done for Renee now. All they could do was wait. Jacob promised to contact Bella if there were any changes. His father, Billy Black, was close to Dr. Peterson and they had allowed him to obtain information when she was not present. He had acted like a father to her after Charlie's departure and her friendship with his son, Jacob, made her part of their family.

The drive home was silent. Bella stared out the window and tears would silently run down her cheeks from time to time. Edward felt useless; he didn't know what to do or say to get her to stop crying. He wanted to see the light back in her eyes. See her face break out into that smile that filled her with life.

As they walked up the stairs of his apartment building, the fight from the night before seemed childish. So much had happened in the past 24-hours that Edward felt ashamed to even think about the way he had reacted earlier. All Bella wanted was to feel some control in her life. She wanted to show him that she could carry her weight. She didn't need to though. He was willing to do anything for her. He wanted to protect her and take care of her.

They entered the apartment in comfortable silence and headed to the bedroom. Edward excused himself to change in the bathroom and when he emerged in flannel pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt he was surprised to see Bella sitting on the bed where he'd left her, staring at the wall.

He wasn't certain of what her reaction would be, but took a chance and moved towards her. Kneeling down in front of her he untied her shoelaces and removed her shoes one at a time, followed by her socks. He reached for her arms and unzipped her hoodie, removing it slowly off her shoulders and from her arms. Keeping his eyes trained on hers, he traced a path down her sides to her waist, giving her a gentle squeeze, hoping to convey his intentions. He traced her hips to the front of her waist and undid the button on her jeans. Bella's breath hitched and her heart began to race. She looked back into his green eyes and nodded slowly in assent that she was okay with what he intended to do. Edward slowly unzipped her jeans, keeping their eyes locked as she rose from the bed and leaned on his shoulders while he peeled the denim down her legs.

Stepping out of her jeans, Bella stood in front of him in nothing but her white t-shirt and panties. She felt a warm blush creep up to her face and bit her lip in embarrassment. Edward rose from his position on the floor to stand before her and wrapped her in his arms. Moving them both towards the bed, he pulled the comforter down and let her climb inside before going around to the other side and getting in. He didn't hesitate to reach over and pull her towards him, bringing her body flush with his own. He ran one hand through her hair as the other held her tightly to his chest. Bella's initial tension dissolved and she allowed herself to melt into his warmth, burying her face in his neck. They lay like that for a while, quiet breathing and legs entwined. Two bodies wrapped into one. Eventually the soft, rhythmic sounds of Bella's heavy breathing alerted Edward to her being asleep and he allowed himself to close his eyes.

They didn't know what the week would bring, but as long as they where together, they could survive it. Edward kissed the top of her head and the last thing that was heard in the quiet room was a whispered, "I love you, Bella. You are my life now. I'll do anything to make you smile again."

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**A/N Just a rec for now. My beta c. anna. cullen has been quite sick so go show her and Prickward some love by reading her story I Know Those Eyes www . fanfiction . net/s/5762812/1/I_Know_Those_Eyes**

**Also, I'll be tweeting some pics of the places I've mentioned during the past chapters, they are real places so if you want to see them head over to my twitter www . twitter . com/eternaalba**

**Lastly, I would love to know how all of you new readers and currents readers came to hear of this little peice of fiction and, what song would you put with this chapter? Please review! Mwa!**


	9. Chapter 9  By Myself

**A/N I apologize for the long wait. I started the chapter but lost it so I had to re type it. Also, Water for Elephants madness made me go Rob crazy. Please forgive me. I want to thank c. anna cullen and pyejammies for making this chapter presentable and their words of encouragement. Love you ladies! Thank you to all those who took the time to review and PM me and all the people who've put this on their fave lists and me on fave authors. So happy I could burst. Ruby Lou67, this one's for you.**

**This weeks song is very angsty and loud so if you want to listen to it put the volume a bit low. It fits perfectly with what goes on now, almost Edwards's words as they play in his head**

**Hear it at www . youtube . com/watch?v=N3Ne2Aj2c7I&feature=fvsr**

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_How do you think I've lost so much_  
_I'm so afraid that I'm out of touch_  
_How do you expect... I will know what to do_  
_When all I know Is what you tell me to_

_By Myself by Linkn Park, Hybrid Theory_

**EPOV**

Moaning.

Bed sheets rustling with her movements.

Heavy breaths against my skin.

The warm, sweet smell that is Bella penetrating my senses.

Panting.

Her chest rising and falling as a sheen of sweat forms on her forehead.

Her eyes flutter open and closed as she pushes and pulls against me.

This was the fourth night in a week that we had gone through this dance. The first night it happened, it took me by surprise. I'd slept with Bella before, fully clothed next to her as I comforted her from her mother's assault. The second time, it was to comfort her from the news of her mother's impending death. Now, we were in my bed; her naked legs tangled against mine. She was tangled in me, against me, her soft moans making me dizzy. Her warm breath hitting my face in short spurts as her chest pressed into mine.

It was torture. This was the fourth time it happened and I hated it.

Her panting grew labored, and her body squirmed as she neared the inevitable. She screamed, and it was what she screamed that made my blood boil.

"Jacob! Stop, please! Jake!"

Bella jolted awake. Sweat pouring down her face, over her chest, making the thin fabric of her shirt cling to her form. For the fourth time this week, I pulled her close to me and comforted her from her nightmare. They'd been ocurring every night since our first visit to Renee in the hospital. The first night it happened I was woken by a blood-piercing scream. I had jumped out of bed to look for the source only to realize the source of the noise lay in bed thrashing frantically. It had taken me several minutes to get her to wake up. Her frightened eyes darted around the room before resting on mine and coming to focus. Tears had been streaming down her face as I hugged her to me, and she squeezed me back tightly. She'd fallen back to sleep in my arms, clinging to me for dear life. I tried asking her about her dream the following day but was met with resistance. I didn't push for answers hoping it would be a one-time occurrence. I was wrong.

Each night she dreamed, she revealed something new. I know it sounds crazy, but after the second night, I barely slept, waiting for the dreams to come, trying to get some clues about what was tormenting her. She wouldn't talk about them to me and it was the only way I knew to get inside her head. If only I knew what she was thinking maybe I could help. _Who am I kidding?_ I wanted to know why she screamed Jacob's name. Why she sounded so pained, so desperate. I wanted to know why, while she was sleeping in my arms, in my bed, she dreamt of someone else.

Tuesday morning had been…different. I'd awoken slightly disoriented and a little too warm. Something was poking me in the stomach and I quickly realized what that something was. I should say whom. Bella lay next to me in bed, her hair fanned out over the pillow, her face in peaceful slumber. Her legs were wrapped up in my pajama clad ones and her right hand was formed into a fist, digging into my stomach while the other lay across my chest.

I lay there watching her soft, even breaths. The way her eyelashes rested against the soft skin of her cheeks. Her pink, pouty lips slightly open. I wanted to kiss those lips, especially the bottom one. I wanted to pull it into my mouth and suck on it. Seeing as to how Bella was sans pants, laying in my bed, her lower body pressed to mine with only the thin material of my pajamas and her panties between us, I decided kissing her while she slept was not a good idea.

I watched her for what seems like hours, but was probably only minutes when she stirred awake. Her soft brown eyes were hazy from sleep as they focused in on my chest. Her brows furrowed in confusion and her mouth formed into that adorable "o" when realization dawned on her. Her startled eyes looked up to meet mine and that pink blush I love spread over her face. I gave her my patent panty-dropping smile and her blush spread down to her collar and further down to her chest. I only noticed because her shirt was skewed to the side giving me a perfect view of her collarbone and the creamy skin of her neck.

Of course, my body reacted immediately and poked her on her side. That only caused Bella to turn a darker shade of red and I tried to stifle a laugh.

"Good morning."

Bella blushed and covered her mouth with the bed sheet.

"Morning, Edward."

"Sleep well?"

"Umm, yeah, surprisingly. I must have been exhausted." She closed her eyes and sighed.

I couldn't resist how tempting she looked laying next to me, the warmth of her body radiating into mine, the way her hair fell around her head and how the muscles in her neck moved as she stretched her arms above her. Not to mention the rise and fall of her breasts beneath the sheet, which was now obstructing my view.

I pulled her to me and nuzzled her neck with my nose, eliciting a contented squeal from my girl. We spent a good part of the morning just laying in bed, snuggled up to each other, ignoring the world. Bella felt safe and comfortable enough to talk a bit about her mother and the situation she was in at the moment. It's not often an eighteen year old girl has to look death in the face and see it take away a parent. Not only was she faced with waiting until the inevitable passing away of Renee, she'd also have to organize the funeral and figure out if there was any money to pay the hospital bills.

It was all too much for a Tuesday morning so I just held her in my arms as we talked and wrapped ourselves up in each other. I made a mental note to talk to Carlisle about what Bella's options were financially. Maybe Renee had actually thought ahead and arranged something in case of her early demise. One could only hope.

I was lost in thought, blissfully pressed against Bella's body, until she spoke the words every guy wants to hear.

"Edward, I have to pee."

We burst into laughter then and so our day began, at noon.

I made breakfast for us while she showered and went through my daily calendar to see how long I'd be away working. I didn't want to leave Bella, but some of my students had limited availability, so I couldn't cancel on them at the last minute.

Once Bella emerged from the restroom, I jumped in for a quick shower and shave before joining her in the kitchen for food. We agreed on meeting back at the apartment after I was done with my surfing lessons and she finished up some errands she needed to run. Then we'd gone back to the hospital. Her job had given her a few days off when they learned about her mother being in the hospital. Bella didn't want to take them, saying she needed the money now more than ever, but I convinced her to at least take an extra day off. I'd rather her be distracted at work than pacing in the ICU ward waiting for the bad news.

We went back to the hospital that night and Dr. Peterson didn't have good news. Renee wasn't expected to last much longer. Her comma was irreversible and the only thing keeping her alive were the machines that provided her with oxygen. Bella had to decide if she wanted to keep her that way much longer. In other words, it was on Bella's shoulders as to when Renee's last breath would be.

Bella had been acting strangely all afternoon. She had gone back to her house, Renee's house to look for any legal documentation there might be to indicate what Renee's wishes were upon her death. She had returned home with a file folder full of papers, which we would take to Carlisle the next day. I'm not sure what else she found there, but she had been on edge. That night was the first night the nightmares began. It could have been the stress of the decision she was being forced to make or something that she'd seen in her old home. Whatever it was it was eating her up inside, bringing up dreams that had her thrashing and screaming every night. She wouldn't talk about it to me and I desperately hoped she eventually would, until I overheard her talking to Jacob Black on the phone.

I wasn't eavesdropping; I'd left for work and forgotten something on the kitchen counter so I had gone back in to the apartment to get it. That's when I heard her talking to _him_. They'd agreed to meet later Wednesday afternoon, while I was still at work. I had waited for her to tell me about her meeting with her "friend" but she never did.

Now, it was Friday night and she was screaming for him in her sleep. Pleading with him. It was eating me up inside. What could I do? How could I talk to her about it? I didn't want to start a fight with her. Not in the state she was in, but I had to know why she was hiding things from me.

Two days had gone by and she never mentioned her secret meeting with Jacob. Two days of acting like everything was fine. Lying to my face when I asked her if she'd seen any of her friends. She talked about Rose and Alice, even Jasper, but not once did she mention Jacob.

They'd met this afternoon. I knew it because Bella had reluctantly told me she was going back to her house to look for more paperwork. I offered to go with her but she refused saying she'd already made plans with Jacob. Apparently there hadn't been much of anything in the papers she'd brought back Tuesday. Carlisle needed more information,. A will, anything that would give us an idea of what was to be done with the house and if Renee was leaving anything behind for her daughter. Otherwise Bella was going to become an 18-year-old orphan with a mortgage and God knows what kind of debt left over from her mother.

Bella mentioned there was one room left to look in, but when I offered to go with her, she became skittish and adamantly refused my help. I was fine with it until I learned Jacob would be accompanying her instead. Why did she want him there and not me? What was she hiding?

Jacob had had the decency to pick her up from our apartment, yes _our_ apartment since I didn't foresee Bella moving out any time soon, and gave me an apologetic look. Something was up. My suspicion was confirmed when I saw him murmur something in her ear and rubbing her back soothingly when they thought I was in the bedroom. She nodded at him and gripped his hand before walking out the door without a single "Goodbye."

I'd been trying to rein in my jealousy but this was getting ridiculous. What was Bella hiding? Why wouldn't she tell me? Why did she trust Jacob Black more than me? There was something between them. If I'd had any doubt before, the evidence was slapping me in the face now.

* * *

"Bella, sweetheart, it's okay. It's okay"

I rubbed her arm soothingly and waited for her eyes to focus. She scanned the room, tightening her grip on my arm before wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Jake, I was so scared."

I tensed.

"Bella, I think you're in the wrong bed. I'm not Jacob Black." My tone was icy cold as I pried her arms from around my torso.

Bella let out a gasp as I gently pushed her away from me and moved to stand from the bed. I threw on my t-shirt and walked out of the room before she could reply. It was as if I'd been punched in the stomach. I grabbed my jacket from the couch and walked out the door. I needed air. Space. I needed to think.

My girlfriend had just called me another man's name. She'd been wide-awake and conscious and in my bed. How could there have been any mistake as to where she'd been? What did it mean? Had she been in Jacob's bed before mine? I thought I was her first. Her first kiss, her first boyfriend, her first love.

Maybe I'd been mistaken when she'd told me she'd never had a boyfriend. Maybe she meant to say this was the first relationship she'd ever been in. Maybe Jacob had all her firsts. Maybe I'd just deluded myself into believing she was pure, that I'd somehow been lucky enough to find an innocent girl who'd accepted me despite all my flaws and all my bullshit.

I knew Bella and Jacob were friends, but were they something more? Had they been more to one another? She always seemed so at ease with him. Never flinching at his touch, his tender smiles. She seemed so shy and reserved with me most of the times, except when something was troubling her. During these times she'd show an aggression that was difficult to comprehend. She became bolder sexually; trying to push me past the boundaries she'd set. Had she set them or had it been me? I'd been trying to take things slow knowing she was a virgin, but was she?

I slumped down into one of the cold metal chairs from the café housed in the first floor of my apartment building and tried to remember how we'd settled on this pattern of proverbial waiting. Maybe I'd misread the signs, and she'd simply gotten tired of waiting for me to take the next step. Maybe Jacob gave her something I couldn't. I grasped my head in my hands and let the cold autumn air wash over me.

~oOo~

"Isabella Marie Swan, would you do me the great honor of becoming my girlfriend?"

Bella made a face as if thinking it over before letting out a dramatic sigh. "I suppose. I mean, we have been seeing a lot of each other exclusively, might as well put a label on it."

"You don't have to…I mean...if you don't want to."

I shrugged trying to look nonchalant, turning my body away from hers and facing the ocean.

"Oh my God, Edward! You're serious? I'm so sorry, I didn't realize!"

"It's okay, Bella, whatever, we don't have to put a 'label' on it. I'm happy to just hang out with you, that's all. We don't have to change anything." I stuffed my hands in my pockets and started walking towards the ocean.

I was utterly humiliated. I'd never done the boyfriend thing, and now that I actually wanted to be a part of a relationship, this seventeen-year-old girl was laughing at me.

"Edward…I...I'm sorry. I'm not used to this. Having someone actually interested in spending more than the necessary time with me. I didn't mean to laugh at you." Bella looked contrite as she walked up behind me, pulling my hand to lace our fingers together.

"It's okay, Bella. Don't worry about it. I was only kidding." I gave her my crooked smile and a soft kiss on the forehead before turning my attention back to the ocean.

We stood there in silence, neither of us knowing what to say. The moment had gone from playful to awkward in a matter of seconds, all because I'd had the foolish notion that this beautiful brown-eyed angel might be the girl I was meant to be with. Silly me, what was I thinking.

"Edward…"

"Bella…"

"I do." Bella looked up at me from beneath her lashes and bit her lip nervously.

"You do what?"

She fiddled with out fingers before letting out a garbled, "."

A slow grin spread through my face and she flushed crimson red.

"Are you sure, Bella? I don't want to pressure you into anything."

She simply nodded without looking at me.

"Have you ever had a boyfriend, Bella?"

She shook her head no.

"So I'd be your first?"

She nodded her head yes.

I grasped her face in my hands and pulled it up to face me. "Well, that makes two of us then. You'll be my first girlfriend too."

She burst into a smile that lit up her face before jumping into my arms and wrapping her arms around my neck.

I nuzzled her hair and kissed my way from her neck to her lips. I kissed her softly and told her my secrets. I wanted to be her first everything.

She looked into my eyes and something flashed in them. Before I could ask what was wrong, she kissed me with more passion than she has ever shown before. It was sweet, it was needy, but there was also desperation, a sadness that I didn't understand.

~oOo~

I was pulled from my reverie by a warm hand on my shoulder.

Bella stood beside me wrapped in a blanket, hair falling on her shoulders, eyes guarded as I looked at her.

"Edward…"

I turned away from her not wanting to see the sadness in her face. Sadness…if that's what it was, or pity.

"Edward, please come back upstairs."

I didn't want t talk to her, not now, but there were so many questions.

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long, Bella?"

"I don't understand…"

My irritation was surfacing. "You and Jacob. How long?"

"Edward…" she crouched down in front of me, forcing me to look at her worried face. "I don't…what are you asking?"

I took deep breaths through my nose, trying to calm down my anger. Was she being purposely obtuse?

"How long have you been seeing Jacob behind my back?" My tone was cold as I met her gaze with a frosty stare.

She gasped and turned away, her chest rising and falling as she began to panic.

"It's not what you think," she whispered.

I was such a fool. She had been sneaking around with Jacob this whole week, her silence had made me suspicious, but she had just confirmed my fears.

I rose from the chair, causing the metal legs to scrape against the pavement and turned towards the stairs.

"Are you coming?"

Bella followed silently behind. This was a conversation I needed to have indoors, in private without the risk of late night wanderers overhearing.

"Bella, I don't understand. Do you even love me? Did you ever? If you wanted to be with Jacob, why did you string me along?"

"No! It's not like that!"

"Then what?" I snapped, "I know you've been sneaking around with him this week, Bella. I heard you talking to him on your phone. I asked you if you'd seen your friends and you didn't mention him at all. Why?" I tried to keep my voice down but failed.

"It's not what you think."

"Then what is it, Bella? Why don't you enlighten me! I've been so fucking patient with you all this time. After everything you've been through, everything you're going through. I've tried to be there for you. What more do you want from me?"

"You have, Edward. I couldn't ask for more from you. You've been so patient with me through everything. I don't know how to thank you. I don't know what to say to show you how much it means to me."

"But I'm not enough, am I? I'm just not enough." I sat on the couch defeated. I'd been fighting a battle with Jacob Black since the first moment I met Bella, and I'd finally lost.

"You are, Edward, you are! You're more than I could have ever wished for. Please, believe me!" She kneeled in front of me, taking my face in her hands, wiping away tears I didn't know I'd shed.

I was angry at her. Angry at _him_. Angry at myself for not having seen it sooner.

Pulling her hands away from me, I leaned back on the couch and closed my eyes.

"I heard you, Bella. You've been seeing him behind my back. You dream about him for fuck's sake. You called me by his name tonight. You can't deny that. Do you know how it feels, to lie next to you every night, trying not to touch you, knowing you're not ready, and having you dream of someone else? Hearing you call out his name in your sleep. Do you have any idea what that does to me? Do you even care?"

"I do, Edward, I do! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

I stood abruptly from the couch causing Bella to fall backwards onto the floor. _She is sorry…_

"Sorry? For what, Bella? Sorry for stringing me along and making me beg you to be my girlfriend? Sorry for being hot and cold with me; making me think you want me and then pushing me away? Sorry for sleeping with Jacob or sorry for getting caught? All this time I thought, 'Don't be stupid, Edward; don't push Bella past her limit. You can wait for her to be ready. She's an innocent virgin, and you have to be patient and go at her pace,' but no, oh no, all this time you were screwing around with Jacob right under my nose!"

"That's not true, Edward!"

"Of course it is! Why would you think you were in bed with him instead of me if it wasn't true!"

"It's not what it looks like, Edward, you have to believe me!"

"Then tell me what it is, Bella. Tell me!"

"I was having a nightmare, I've been having a lot of nightmares lately…"

"You don't think I know that? I've been here, watching you every night, every night, hoping you tell me what tortures in your sleep and nothing. You tell me nothing. Instead you run off to _him_. What can you tell _him_ that you can't tell _me_? I'm your boyfriend; I'm supposed to be the one comforting you, not him. Not unless he means more to you then I do. Is that the case, Bella? Because if it is, you need to tell me now and we can go our separate ways."

"There are some things only Jacob understands, Edward. I can't…I can't bring that into our relationship…you wouldn't understand…I need to leave it behind me…I don't want it to ruin what we have. Please, Edward, please understand."

Tears were streaming down her face, but I couldn't bring myself to reach out and comfort her. Not when I didn't know where we stood. I didn't have it in me to try and pull her together when I was on the brink of falling apart myself.

"What we have? We don't have anything if you don't trust me, Bella. We don't have anything if you're keeping things from me."

Bella's body sagged against the couch and she sobbed silently.

"Do you love him, Bella? Do you love me? Did you ever…? Is that why you wouldn't let me love you? Why you wouldn't sleep with me, because you already gave yourself to him?"

"No, I mean, I do…I love you, and I love him but not the same. I'm in love with you, Edward, I love you so much it hurts. I didn't sleep with Jacob, I could never…"

"Then what are you hiding from me? Why won't you let me show you how much I care about you?"

"I'm scared, Edward."

I knelt down before her and looked into her deep brown eyes. They were full of fear and sadness.

"Why? Haven't I been good to you? Don't you think I'd treat you right? Bella, you're everything to me, everything. I don't know how I can prove myself to you?"

"I don't want you to hate me."

"Why would I hate you, Bella? I know I've been with a lot of girls, I know what you thought of me when we first met but I'm different now. Please, let me show you. Let me love you, Bella."

I reached out to pull her to me but she backed away.

"Don't hate me, please don't hate me."

Bella was on her knees facing me, her hands twisting in her lap, her face cast down unwilling to look me in the eyes.

"You're my first, Edward. My first crush, my first love, my first boyfriend, I don't want to lose you but if you know…when you know…you'll leave. Please don't leave me. I need you."

"Bella, what kind of man do you think I am if I broke up with you because you're a virgin? Is that what you think of me? "

"No…"

"Then what?"

She was silent and still wouldn't meet my eyes. It felt like minutes until she finally broke the silence. I wasn't expecting what came next. I didn't understand it. She said I was her first love, her first boyfriend but then…

"I'm not what you think, Edward. I'm not who you think I am. I never meant to mislead you, please know that."

I made to say something but she raised her hand to stop me.

"Edward, I'm not as innocent as you think. I'm not…I'm not a virgin, Edward. I wish I was, but I'm not."

"But you said…"

"I know…"

"When?"

"I was sixteen…"

"Who was he?"

"I don't know."

* * *

**A/N Please review and you might get a teaser of the next chapter ;)**


	10. Chapter 10 In the End

**A/N Thank you for coming back after all this time! This chapter started off one way but went a different road. Things needed to be cleared before I dive in to the next chapter. I didn't want to to rush things. Thank you to my lovely betas for fixing my typos and coma errors. Life savers! Thank you for the reviews. I apprciate them so so much. On to the story and please don't kill me...**

* * *

_I've put my trust in you_  
_Pushed as far as I can go_  
_And for all this_  
_There's only one thing you should know_

_I tried so hard and got so far_  
_But in the end it doesn't even matter_  
_I had to fall to lose it all_  
_But in the end it doesn't even matter_

_In the End by Linkin Park, Hybrid Theory_

Stunned.

That was the only world that described the way he was feeling at that moment.

Had he been completely blind? Had he been mistaken and confused the look in her eyes as innocence?

No, it couldn't be possible.

Bella wasn't like that. Was she?

She had been sixteen. Sixteen!

Granted, most girls he knew had lost their virginity at the young age of fifteen but not his Bella. It wasn't possible. Was it?

Not only that, she didn't even know who she lost her virginity to.

What did that mean?

"What do you mean you don't know?" He spat.

Bella flinched at his tone and backed away from him. She knew he wouldn't understand. She was afraid of his reaction, which was why she had been reticent to come forward with the truth. She was selfish and didn't want to lose him.

"Jesus, Bella! How can you not remember who fucked you when you were sixteen?"

His mind was reeling and he wasn't thinking about the words that were spewing from his mouth.

_Who fucked you? Fucked._

Bella felt the bile rise in her throat, and her cheeks get warm.

"How stupid can you be?" He continued ranting.

"I didn't think you were that sort of girl, Bella. I thought you were different. I thought you were smarter than that."

Bella's breath quickened at the tone of his words, and the venom he was hitting her with.

"Was it everything you dreamed of, Bella? Or did you just hump the first guy that offered to do the job?"

A loud slap reverberated through the room.

That was enough.

He was stunned. She'd slapped him, hard. He brought his eyes back to meet hers. The anger that radiated from her tiny body was palpable in the air. Her chest was heaving with the effort to rein it in, her eyes blazed with a fire he'd never seen before.

"Fuck you, Edward Cullen."

His eyes widened in shock as his anger rose again.

"How dare you? How dare _you_ judge _me_? You have **no** right, **no right**, Edward. Tell me, Edward. How many girls have **you** fucked?"

He blinked.

"Huh? How many? Have I ever asked you about your past? Demanded to know whom you've been with? You think I don't know about your escapades? You think I didn't hear what everyone was saying about you when you were first trying to ask me out?"

Bella rose slowly from her kneeling position and walked away from him.

"It's not the same, Bella. At least I knew their names," he said softly.

"Does it matter, Edward? It doesn't to me. I didn't care how many girls you'd been with. I saw who you were instead of listening to what everyone called you. You think I didn't have second thoughts after what I heard happened with Jessica Stanley?"

"We went to the same school, Edward. You think I didn't know what happened? The rumors? Did I ever interrogate you about that? No, because I trusted you. I told myself that when you were ready you would tell me your side of the story. I didn't push you or make demands."

"You don't know shit about what happened with Jessica!" Edward was now standing behind her, his fist shaking in anger.

Bella whirled around to face him.

"You're right, I don't. And whose fault is that? Hmm? I know what you tell me, but I've never pushed you to tell me anything. I trusted you. Too bad that trust is one sided."

Bella walked back into the bedroom and put on her sweater. She felt exposed in her thin t-shirt. She didn't want to feel vulnerable, especially when he called her a whore.

"How can you expect me to trust you if you don't tell me the truth, Bella?"

Edward was leaning in the doorway watching her.

"I have _always_ been honest with you, Edward. When have I lied to you?"

"If you're so honest then why are you sneaking around behind my back with Jacob? Tell me."

He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Jesus, Edward!" She threw her hands up in frustration.

"How many times do I have to reassure you? Jacob is my friend. He has been there for me through some of the worst times of my life. I've known him since I was practically a child. His father was more of a parent figure to me than my parents ever were. You can't possibly still think that there's more to us than a clean friendship. Because if you don't believe me then there's nothing more I can do.

"I don't ask you about your students, which are mostly women. I never ask you about your friends and what kind of past you've had with them. I've never asked you if you _fucked_ them, have I? No, because I trusted you to tell me. I relied on your word. I gave you space."

"Space? Is this what this is about, Bella. You want space? Well, no one is forcing you to stay here. You're free to go whenever you want."

Bella was dumbstruck. In the span of thirty minutes he'd called her a whore, a liar and now he was kicking her out. She was facing the death of her mother and having to deal with the aftermath, and he was abandoning her. Pushing her away.

She nodded her head slowly.

"You're right."

"What?"

She took small deep breaths and walked to the closet.

"You're right, Edward. No one is forcing me to stay here."

She pulled out her suitcase and started throwing her things into it.

"Bella…that's not..."

"No. You're right, Edward. I don't have to stay with someone who doesn't trust me. Someone who takes every chance he gets to doubt me. To question the friendship of the one good man I've ever known, the one who has been nothing but my lifeline long before I even met you."

He clutched his hair in his hands. This wasn't what he wanted. He'd spoken without thinking. He'd never expected this reaction from her.

"What am I supposed to do when my girlfriend is screaming out another guy's name in her sleep? Tell me, Bella. What?"

"You're supposed to trust me. You're supposed to comfort me and be there for me. You're supposed to be patient and wait until I'm ready to tell you…" She stopped the words from leaving her lips. He didn't deserve to know. She'd been right all along.

"I do trust you, I do. I just…"

"You just didn't trust me enough."

"It just took me by surprise, your not being a virgin. You told me, Bella, you said you'd never had a boyfriend before me. Why did you lie about that?"

"I didn't lie, Edward. I never had a boyfriend before you. I'd never made myself vulnerable enough to let anyone in until I met you."

"Then why would you give yourself to someone you don't even know? Why, Bella, I don't understand? I thought you were this young, innocent girl who needed protecting, but now…"

"Is that why I was so attractive to you? You felt like the hero? You're no different that everyone else I grew up with. I don't need your pity, Edward. I don't need saving. I've taken care of myself since my father left me behind. I've made mistakes, but I've learned from them. I'm sorry but if you're looking for someone to save; you won't find that in me. I'm not your project."

Bella shut her suitcase and pulled it to the living room. Grabbing her phone off the nightstand, she sent out a text and hoped it would be answered. She needed a ride. She would think of a plan later. She would land on her feet. She always did.

"Where are you going?" He was panicking. He couldn't let her walk out and run away from him.

"I'm giving you space, Edward. You don't want me here, and I'm not staying."

"Bella, don't be stupid. Where are you going to go?"

The fire that was inside her was set ablaze by his words. _Don't be stupid_. How many times had her mother said those same words to her?

She gave a humorless laugh.

"Does it matter? I'm obviously too stupid to know any better."

"That's not what I meant." He shut his eyes in frustration searching for words to make things right. He was mad, shocked, but he didn't want her to go, not like this.

The opening and closing of the door alerted him to her, exiting his apartment.

He yanked it open to see her figure walking down the stairs and ran out to catch up with her.

"Bella, stop, please!"

He grabbed her arm that held her suitcase and pulled her backwards causing her to stumble. She reached out in time to break her fall with her right hand and winced in pain.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…"

He bent down to pick her up, but she pulled away from him.

"I'm fine."

Just then, a red convertible Beemer pulled up in front of the apartment building. Rosalie got out from the passenger side as Emmett emerged from the driver's side of the car.

"You called Rosalie?"

"Who did you expect me to call? You have this blind hatred towards Jacob, and I wasn't about to add fuel to the fire by making him come get me. Rosalie is my best friend. Of course I called her."

"Will you be staying with her then?" His shoulders slumped in defeat.

"For now. She's only here a few more weeks, and I won't impose on her. I'll figure something out, maybe I can go stay…"

"With Jacob?" His hands fisted at his sides.

She shrugged. "I was going to say in my house. Now that Renee is…" She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. "But maybe I will stay with Jacob, I don't know."

"Of course, your precious Jacob." Edward's jaw clenched.

"At least he's never called me a stupid whore for letting myself get _fucked_ at sixteen."

The color drained from Edward's face as the realization of his words dawned on him. That's what he'd done. He may not have hurt her physically like Renee had for all those years, but with a few words he'd injured her emotionally. He'd called her stupid. He hadn't said the words but the words he'd chosen made her sound like a whore.

He watched despondently as Bella walked towards the car and Emmett took her suitcase and placed it in the trunk. Rosalie glanced at Edward before letting Bella get in the back and climbing in. Emmett looked at his old friend and shook his head sadly.

Edward watched in slow motion as the car pulled away, taking with it the only girl he'd ever loved.

He slumped down into a chair as the words replayed in his head like a bad movie.

_How can you not remember who fucked you when you were sixteen?_

_How stupid can you be?_ _Was it everything you dreamed of, Bella? Or did you just hump the first guy that offered to do the job?_

He'd called her a whore. He'd never spoken to her that way before. She was right; he had no right to judge her. He'd been with a lot of girls. He'd lost his virginity when he was fifteen. Was it a double standard? It was okay for him because he was a guy? Was he judging her because she was a girl? He'd put her on a pedestal as something good and pure. He'd idealized her to be something he wanted her to be.

She was his way out of the life he used to live. She'd been the first girl to give him a chance and seen him as more than a hot piece of ass. Sure it was fun to chase the girls and get what he wanted from then. Half of them were fine with it. It had been consensual. They'd wanted a fling, and they'd gotten just that.

He'd never seen her so hurt and angry.

_Have I ever asked you about your past? Demanded to know whom you've been with?_

She hadn't. She'd been a saint. So what if she'd been with a guy whose name she didn't know. She'd probably been drunk. Living with a mother like hers couldn't have been easy. The alcohol was always present in that household. Parties every weekend. There had been men going in and out at all times of the day.

He, on the other hand, had gone out and looked for the girls he'd been with. He'd seduced them. Half the time he'd been drunk and couldn't even remember their faces. They'd all been meaningless flings to him back then. He was the whore, not Bella.

I didn't care how many girls you'd been with. I saw who you were instead of listening to what everyone called you.

He was such a fool. Bella had been nothing but patient and understanding. She'd seen past all the bullshit and taken the time to see into the heart of him. What had he done in return? He'd taken her trust and thrown it away. He'd ripped off her angel wings and dragged her through the mud, calling her a whore.

A piercing pain shot through his chest as he recalled her walking away from him. His chest tightened and his lungs heaved as the air drained out of his body.

He couldn't lose her.

Edward didn't know how long he'd been sitting on the patio of the coffee shop below his apartment, but as he regained his balanced, he realized that the morning crowd was already out. Reluctantly he climbed the stairs to his apartment. It had only been one week that Bella had lived with him but the apartment now felt empty and lifeless without her presence.

* * *

The red convertible pulled into the driveway of the studio by the beach. It had not surprised Bella that her friend would come without questions. It was one of the reasons their friendship was so strong. There were no judgments. If they called each other asking for help, it was there, no questions asked.

The trio entered the studio in silence and Rosalie whispered something to Emmett before he retreated with Bella's suitcase into the bedroom.

Bella opened the patio door and walked down the pathway to the beach, slipping off her shoes and sinking her toes into the warm sand. It was only six in the morning but she was emotionally exhausted after her argument with Edward.

She shook her head sadly at the thought of not being able to open up to him. He was volatile and irrational at times. He let his fear and anger get the best of him, causing him to act without thinking.

She rubbed her aching wrist with her hand as her friend approached and handed her a water bottle.

They sat in comfortable silence with Rosalie sneaking glances at her best friend, biding her time until she was ready to talk.

Rosalie knew Bella only needed time to think and calm down before opening up to someone; she didn't respond well to being pushed and prodded. Years of verbal abuse from Renee had caused her to withdraw into herself and, after a few mistakes on her part, Rosalie had learned that all Bella needed was to feel in control of the situation. She would share herself willingly but not by force.

"Do you mind if I stay here until...until my mom passes away?"

Bella spoke softly.

"Not at all, Bella. Stay as long as you need."

"Thanks." Bella gave her friend a small smile of gratitude before turning back towards the ocean.

She spoke again after a pause.

"It was a mistake."

Rosalie didn't understand but waited.

"Moving in with Edward. It was a mistake. We're both still too young for that kind of commitment. He's not ready and neither was I. I just saw it as a way out of the situation I was in but now…it's unnecessary."

Rosalie nodded but remained silent.

"Why doesn't he trust me?"

"Why do you think that, Bella?"

"He told me as much today. He keeps seeing things that aren't there. Keeps questioning my friendship with Jake. It's exhausting having to reassure him that there's nothing going on between us. I mean, you don't see me throw jealous tantrums over the girls he's slept with, and I know there have been plenty. When I got into this relationship, I wiped the slate clean. No judgments of our pasts. No questions asked. It was only he and I, no one else.

"I know he has a past. That there were others before me, and I was hesitant into being involved with someone with so much more experience than me. I often feel insecure about why he wants me, but I don't question him about it because it will only drive him away. He can have anyone he wants and…"

"He chose you, Bella. He wants to be with you."

"Do you know why he chose me, Rose? It's because he thought he was rescuing a poor defenseless girl. It fed his ego and his pride, but that's not who I am. I've struggled through so much, and I've appreciated everything my friends have done for me, but I'm not a weak little girl who needs a man to protect and defend her. I've looked out for myself since I was twelve years old. I'm no different now than I was back then."

"Yes, you are, Bella. I've known you for four yeas now. You're so much different than that shy fourteen year old I met all those years ago. You've grown into a strong, confident young woman. You speak up for yourself and don't let anyone push you around. You've had a rough life, but you haven't let that define you. You have dreams, and you are pursuing them with all your might.

"You got a scholarship to one of the best schools in the East coast! How many girls can say that? Your drive and determination will get you far from the life you had, Bella."

Bella felt the tears pool in her eyes as her longtime friend spoke highly of her.

"That may be true, Rosalie, but it's not how he sees me."

"I don't mean to pry, Bella, but what happened?"

"He called me a whore."

"He what? That son of a bitch. Wait till I tell Emmett. He'll kick his ass. Hell, I'll kick his ass!"

"It's not worth it, Rose. I can't help it if that's what he thinks of me."

"But why, Bella? Why would he say that?"

"He didn't actually say the word but the things he said…that's how they made me feel. Cheap and dirty."

"Is he pushing you to do something you're not ready to do? Why would he say something like that to you?"

"It all spiraled out of control. He accused me of sleeping with Jacob and said that was the reason why I wouldn't sleep with him." Tears were now rolling down her cheeks and plopping onto her legs.

"What an idiot. Still with the whole Jacob thing! When is he going to learn?" Rosalie shook her head in disbelief.

"It's my fault."

"No it's not, Bella. There's nothing that you could have done to make him say that to you. Nothing. He needs to get his head out of his ass and see how lucky he is to have someone like you interested in a pig like him."

"Rosalie!"

"You know what I mean." She huffed in annoyance. Bella couldn't help but giggle at her friend's protectiveness.

"Why does he think you slept with Jake?"

Bella sighed.

"You know I've been looking through my mom's things back at the house. Carlisle needs to find out if I'll be left with anything. I need to find out if Renee owns the house or if it'll default to the bank. I don't even know if it's paid off or if the bank will take ownership after…I need to see if Renee has a will. I also have to look into the insurance and see how much of her medical expenses they'll pay. If they don't pay everything I'll have to get a second job to try and make a dent on the hospital bill.

"Anyway, I've been going to the house this week and Jake has been with me most of the time. It's strange being in that house alone. I know Renee was never really there, but knowing there was another body made things bearable. Now, it's all so quiet. I can't stand it."

"Why didn't Edward go with you?"

"I didn't want to bother him, I already infiltrated myself in so much of his life and I know how important his work is for him. Jake offered to go with me, so there was really no problem. My mistake was not telling Edward. I wanted to avoid a fight, but I guess it was inevitable.

"Besides, I needed Jake to help me go through one of the rooms in the house. I knew he wouldn't ask questions about it." Bella glanced at her friend to see if she understood.

"Your old room?"

"Yeah."

"You haven't been in there?"

"Not since I was sixteen. The day I moved back from Billy's I stayed in the downstairs guest room. Jake helped me move most of my things, everything except the bed. It was better; I had closer street access in case…anything happened.

"There was no way I could explain to Edward why I wouldn't go into that room. I know Renee kept things scattered throughout the house so I needed someone to look through the boxes in the closet of _that _room."

Rose nodded in understanding.

"One of the times we went I couldn't find Jake anywhere in the house so…I went to find him. I knocked on the door, and it opened. Jake came up to me then, and I lost it. It's like everything came crashing back. I didn't even set foot in the door but just looking in the room was enough. He touched my shoulder, and I turned to punch him. If it had been Edward, I don't know what I would have done. I know now that he wouldn't have understood."

They were quiet for a moment and Bella continued.

"The nightmares are back. I've woken up screaming the past two nights. The first night I didn't know where I was. Edward's room was unfamiliar and it took a few minutes for him to calm me down. He didn't ask questions. I wanted him to, so I could finally tell him about what happened but he didn't."

Bella shook her head sadly.

"Last night was worse than before and…in my daze I called out Jacob's name. You can imagine Edward's reaction."

"That's why he assumed you and Jake…"

"Yeah."

"Bella, you have to tell him."

"I know and I tried to tell him last night, but he let me down, Rose. The things he said."

She shut her eyes tight as his words echoed in her head.

"I told him I wasn't as innocent as he thought. That I wasn't a virgin."

"What did he say?"

"He asked who it was and when it happened. I told him I'd been sixteen and that I didn't know his name. Do you know what he said to me, Rose? Womanizing Edward Cullen? He asked how stupid I could be to not know the name of the guy who fucked me." She let out a bitter laugh.

Rosalie gasped.

"Bella! Oh my God, Bella, I'm so sorry! I don't know exactly what happened to you, Bella, but I know it didn't deserve that kind of response from him. Him of all people!"

"I just, I thought he was different. I was ready to tell him but now I'm not so sure. How could he jump to conclusions so quickly? I've never given him any reason to doubt me or think that way about me. Even after what happened with him and Jessica; I never threw that in his face or judged him. Why can't he do the same for me?"

Bella wiped her cheeks with her sweater sleeve as Rose rubbed her back in a soothing manner.

Emmett walked out to meet them with the phone in his hands.

"I don't mean to interrupt, but Bella, Edward's been calling for the past half hour. He's threatening to come over if you don't talk to him." He held the phone out for Bella to take, but Rosalie intercepted it.

"Edward Cullen, I'm warning you. Do not come to my house demanding to speak to Bella. She will call you when and if she wants to talk to you. Don't call her, don't text her. Leave her alone. After what you did today, you're lucky I don't go over there and rip your balls out through your throat."

She hung up before he could reply.

"Baby, what was that about?" Emmett asked in surprise.

"I'm sorry, Emmett, but your friend is an asshole. I don't care if he's some hotshot surfer who thinks he's God's gift to women. No one calls Bella a whore and gets away with it!"

"Rose!"

"I'm sorry, Bella, but it's the truth"

There was a loud crunching sound before Emmett turned and walked back towards the studio apartment.

"Emmett," Bella called out to him. "Emmett, where are you going?"

"To kick someone's ass."

* * *

**A/N Next chapter is being written. Promise not to make you wait so long. Reviews get a teaser :) Thank you for reading!**


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